YES/NO

ok, for example,
when you think that you take up up too much space and time when you speak
and that you don’t deserve the attention/energy of other people because (you feel that) you’re
uninteresting and boring and monotonous and way too slow to engage others and because what you have to offer does not make any difference and is plain irrelevant – well, when you have this subliminal undercurrent of thought what tends to happen is that you self-sabotage and constrict yourself and simply shut down as a person

this happens bc
when you feel inferior/not enough
you basically identify with a certain thought-process that sustains and is sustained by a
particular self-inhibiting identity you happen to inhabit

now,

if you don’t feel valuable
(and you identify with that thought-process
creating a rigid identity out of it)
you slowly start to disintegrate
and instead of opening up to new ranges and more “complex” sets of experience
you become scattered and dysfunctional as an individual
and quite probably
you also open up to all sorts of parasites and disease
in order to give your socially useless self back to nature
(that is just the way it is
nature reclaims that which has spent itself)

so,

stop identifying with overwhelming and negative thought-processes
pull yourself out of the downward spiral
like Münchhausen
yeah, by your own bootstraps

nobody else will do it for you

start inhabiting lighter (positive, self-assertive, playful, compassionate) states of mind
and adopt an empowering life-style

engage!

deal with it:
you are not only more of any of the thought-processes you happen to habitually inhabit (and the
adopted identity underpinning it) you are actually much more than you could ever comprehend

choose life

get on with it

wanna pass beyond your current stage of development?

set a tangible goal (with a deadline)
and execute
then set the next tangible goal
and execute
then the next
execute
like writing a ‘book(let),’ getting a certification, creating online content, ending a relationship, hiring a personal trainer, etc.

over time the baby-steps compound
it is just the way it is

at first, setting out on accomplishing these little goals (may) feel like a chore
but soon it becomes fun
something that gets you early out of bed each day
otherwise: you are heading in the wrong direction

self-reliance (Emerson)

self-reliance is attunement to
and trust in
intuition

it is the actual embodiment/expression
of the intuitied

the (self-scattering/mind-sharing and at once ego-boosting) behavioral and mental patterns
that facilitate social functioning
become secondary:

-you don’t seek validation outside yourself
-you are not qualifying (and constantly justifying) yourself to others in order to ground yourself in the midst of them
-you are not swayed by the compulsion to please others and make them feel comforted and secure around you
-you are not trying to live up to (meaningless and dysfunctional) external standards
-you are not operating in the mode of trying to make an (good) IMPRESSION
-you don’t dwell in the heads of other people
-you are not geared towards dazzling others and thus gaining (grounding) energy through the (manipulated) attention of them ((like so many guys inevitably do at one point in their development: grounding their passive boy-self via a projected mother-figure, that is, via the attention of their girl-friend))

rather

you are operating in the mode of EXPRESSION
shamelessly and audaciously
asserting your boundary/values
trusting your innate capacities and
just giving your all

and as a (paradoxical) result:
becoming accomodating space for others
a source of grounding energy

up to speed

most of the time
we are carried along
by our train of thought
like victims of a fascist regime

(‘thought‘ is the dimension of form, of temporality
where the specters of our past
–norms, traditions, personal demons, traumas–
and the perpetual anxiety about our future
about the unpredictable consequences of our actions
condition and (tem)paralyze us
render us passive passengers of the mind

temporality is the movement of the mind
or as Rodolfo Llinas says:
“thought is internalized movement”)

in a nutshell, this is when we try
to play it safe and save face

when we are attached to a (special) self-image and identity
no matter how constraining (guilt-ridden, self-sabotaging, etc.) it happens to be

we coil up in our head
at the speed of thought
taking us wherever it takes us

and we suffer..

until we realize
that there are alternative(velocitie)s

for one,
we can outspeed thought

by actual MOVEMENT outside our head
by taking the leap
engaging in situations unrehearsed
doing things off the cuff
and ‘calibrating only after the fact’
just falling right through the hole of all of our fear
while simply ‘trusting in our faculties

this is called taking action

on the other hand,
we can slow down as well
or dilate/SPATIALIZE

here, we are still carried along by the movement of the mind
but we actually see or rather witness it as it’s speeding by
we do not identify with it,
we are no longer hijacked by it
but simply aware of it

we open up to whatever happens
and to all the emotions triggered

this is called meditation

so I say, align
find a balance among these different velocities
attune to your incessant reactions and
fine-tune your actions
after actually taking them

manifesto

I won’t pamper others
and I don’t want anybody to pamper me either

I am not willing to get stuck and linger in dysfunctional states or dynamics of be(hav)ing/relating

I listen
and I am dedicated to cultivate in others the capacity to listen (to their own & others’ heart)

I constantly challenge myself and
if called for, I provocate others

 

..ideally

after the fact

no self-help shit works
until you regard it as mere description
rather than prescription

growth cannot be forced
no diet or exercise routine
no amount of incantation or meditation works if it’s (done as) a chore

stuff unfolds naturally
when you do it out of some form of (self-reliant) enjoyment
as an EXPRESSION

and not as a form of enjoinment
or approximation (of adequacy)
trying to meet certain standards
and self&other-imposed expectations
seeking, in other words, the grounding outside the self

self-help tips give guidance or rather reinforcement merely
(and typically you discover them once you’ve already started out on the unique trajectory of your self-development)