new year’s eve

so much of it is about giving oneself permission
about stopping being a bully of yourself
and becoming your own cheerleader
as you look back on 2014: make a list
count the ways you have antagonized yourself

the power of NOW

follow your bliss?

i say follow your fear-based emotions:

use pain
use anger
use loss
use dejection
use insecurities
use humiliation
use rejection
use failures
use weakness

use these all as leverage

to make more gains

they say, problems never go away
no matter how successful you become
only their quality changes

same way,
to grow is to face & embrace higher quality fears & pains

it doesnt matter how far you get on the scoreboard
what matters is that you belong to the abundance of the moment
embracing both the light & dark sides of it

Jim Rohn on Qing

The real problem is usually two or three questions deep:
If you want to go after someone’s problem, be aware that most people aren’t going to reveal what the real problem is after the first question


imagine that you achieve any goal the instant you set it
that you can hop from target to target
and get the meal skipping the lengthy stage of preparation
(indeed, the essence of fast-food mentality)

that you stumble upon the money, the girl, a new set of friends,
and anything you wish for,
one after the other, you get it all

what would it actually feel like?

let me pose more loaded/biased Qs:

could you appreciate things that fall into your lap?

could you identify with results without going through the work necessary for achieving them?

could it be that short-cuts, in effect, short-cut your sense of achievement?

could it be that these externals feed (the black hole of your ego) only provisionally
leaving you all the more empty in the long run?

could it be that the more you fixate on externals the more you lose grip on your internal?

as you can discern from the Qs I am biased towards the idea that:

there ain’t no shortcuts
you get what you give
externals are but the side-effect of internal success
your true identity is your character (you cultivate) and not its paraphernalia
what matters is not what you have but who you are
not what you get but who you become

the same way as
having insights without experientially earning them is mere information (as opposed to wisdom you own and can readily deploy):
getting things done for you leaves you deprived of being able to go for them, to earn them, to feel entitled to appreciate & savor them

comments on coaching

the self-help industry is like a pyramid scheme
a bunch of inspiring people who get inspired by inspiring others
this is a loop, feeding on itself

life-coaches use various tools in order to cue the process of self-inspiration in/of the client
these tools could be power questions or theme cards or certain activities, etc.

bad, ineffective coaches freeze if their beloved tool doesn’t work
and they are ineffective for this very reason:
they are not really present in the flow, they are not actively tuning in,
rather: externals (a set of ideas, tools or conceptual & technical crutches) warp the dynamics of the interaction between them & the client

tuning in takes guts
the guts to meander

it takes patience
& character

it’s natural to slip or I should say flip into patterns of externally (or crutch-)driven behaviour
at the expense of our deeper impulses

there is a compulsion to go all the (projected) way
whatever we started to doing

but this is going off on a tangent…

again, the point is: the system is a self-referential loop

the best coaches, in effect, use the clients to become even better coaches
in other words coaches use the client to coach themselves, that is,
the client serves the function of a tool in the process

which, of course, does not preclude the fact that as a side-effect
clients get served & inspired and guided in their transformation process


do not numb yourself to it
follow the lead of your pain-body

use pain as a leverage
that tempers your character &
intensifies your presence

jettison your story
jettison personhood
jettison your self-image
detach from the pain

spend less & less time in your social avatar

spend more & more time
in your higher self

as open SPACE
nature in (e)motion

admit & own it

as Jung said what you resist persists
to which I would add:
what you repress, intensifies

think of the most potent invisible stressor: social norms
and how it twists and transmutates human emotions out of shape
sometimes constructively
and sometimes (most of the time?) destructively

take the issue of sexuality, for ex,
it is still fraught with ideas of debasement
which is part of the reason why people so “over-value” it

lust unexpressed intensifies
and it either channels into creative endeavors
or abusive ones

there is always a trade-off

norms are a must
but at what cost

Gone Girl

When I met Nick Dunne I knew he wanted Cool Girl
He will always prefer Cool Girl


what a movie

though I wish there was a more charitable complexity to Amy’s character
the miasma of ambi-valence did not totally evaporate at the end,
in fact, the uncanny aura of the psychology of the characters is what I would like to drive further here:

I’m the cunt you married. The only time you liked yourself is when you were trying to be someone this cunt might like

taking it in the abstract
in my eye this film depicts the closure (hermetic, operational, whatever) of experience
the idea that we never access another
only vicariously
through (what we) experience (of them)

all we ever know about another
is what they trigger in us
it’s the ripples their expression triggers in us

the interpersonal dynamics that’s unleashed is unique as we co-create spirals of expectations & projections
and mold subsequent personas

Nick teased things out of me I didn’t know existed

respectively, we never know what we trigger in another

the other remains a mystery

//but then: we share an essence
0ne Source
we are Nature
trending inside out…

the haunting cinematography and score of the movie
triggered in part the terror of experiential solipsism

hats off to the creators