so much of it is about giving oneself permission
about stopping being a bully of yourself
and becoming your own cheerleader
as you look back on 2014: make a list
count the ways you have antagonized yourself
imagine that you achieve any goal the instant you set it
that you can hop from target to target
and get the meal skipping the lengthy stage of preparation
(indeed, the essence of fast-food mentality)
that you stumble upon the money, the girl, a new set of friends,
and anything you wish for,
one after the other, you get it all
what would it actually feel like?
let me pose more loaded/biased Qs:
could you appreciate things that fall into your lap?
could you identify with results without going through the work necessary for achieving them?
could it be that short-cuts, in effect, short-cut your sense of achievement?
could it be that these externals feed (the black hole of your ego) only provisionally
leaving you all the more empty in the long run?
could it be that the more you fixate on externals the more you lose grip on your internal?
as you can discern from the Qs I am biased towards the idea that:
there ain’t no shortcuts
you get what you give
externals are but the side-effect of internal success
your true identity is your character (you cultivate) and not its paraphernalia
what matters is not what you have but who you are
not what you get but who you become
the same way as
having insights without experientially earning them is mere information (as opposed to wisdom you own and can readily deploy):
getting things done for you leaves you deprived of being able to go for them, to earn them, to feel entitled to appreciate & savor them
the self-help industry is like a pyramid scheme
a bunch of inspiring people who get inspired by inspiring others
this is a loop, feeding on itself
life-coaches use various tools in order to cue the process of self-inspiration in/of the client
these tools could be power questions or theme cards or certain activities, etc.
bad, ineffective coaches freeze if their beloved tool doesn’t work
and they are ineffective for this very reason:
they are not really present in the flow, they are not actively tuning in,
rather: externals (a set of ideas, tools or conceptual & technical crutches) warp the dynamics of the interaction between them & the client
tuning in takes guts
the guts to meander
it takes patience
it’s natural to slip or I should say flip into patterns of externally (or crutch-)driven behaviour
at the expense of our deeper impulses
there is a compulsion to go all the (projected) way
whatever we started to doing
but this is going off on a tangent…
again, the point is: the system is a self-referential loop
the best coaches, in effect, use the clients to become even better coaches
in other words coaches use the client to coach themselves, that is,
the client serves the function of a tool in the process
which, of course, does not preclude the fact that as a side-effect
clients get served & inspired and guided in their transformation process