settle in for the long haul
it’s better to fade in
than blaze out

it’s better to fast first than later,
to cleanse preemptively than symptomatically,
to live a life of choice rather than that of chronic necessity

let it preceed–and thus compound upward
rather than succeed–and spiral downward

keep integrating, tweaking & upgrading your system
metabolism (clean diet), movement (intelligent, functional) & mind (ownership of intent & face-induced reactions; compassion)
(until the tipping point
where the process takes care ot itself
your system auto-corrects & aligns itself)

atone before rather than after



some more, some less, but we all suffer from a perfectionist mindset
where it’s either all or nothing,
(this is what short-circuits, for instance, a healthy sexual vibe or the free-flow of transient energies between two people: a little spark can blind the individuals with the prospect/threat of the whole “package”)
what most of the time happens as a result
is either getting lost in the all
or stuck in the half-hearted buffer zone of the nothing

as always, the key is relentless attunement to one’s impulses
as they manifest themselves most intensely during the shifts from all to nothing


a week ago I asked two students of mine the following Q:
“what do you love about yourself?”
which they proceeded to evade saying, essentially, that they are not particularly keen on this American style of self-aggrandizing narcissism (and that they would rather address -like a good Hungarian- the opposite pole of the equation: what they don’t like in themselves)
I acknowledged that this may be too direct a question within the context of a lesson but speculated that perhaps they are uncomfortable about it “simply” because of the threat of exposure,
besides, I added, saying negative things about ourselves is so easy, it’s hard-wired in way,
but if someone truly owns who they are, I continued, then it’s not a big deal at all to casually share their private perceptions (of self & others) if asked

sharing opens a state of vulnerability

the prospect of sharing something intimate & “personal” makes us recoil
probably because it threatens the self-image we’ve created (with the vicarious assistance of others) to buffer any chance of rejection

at any rate, here’s a quick sketch on what I love about myself:

although he is quite a challenging filtering contraption
I like tripping with Márk and I think he belongs to the “so cool it’s just cute” category
although, he is opaque and wishy-washy and fuzzy at his edges,
blurred, in essence, as is his vision
he is dedicated
and this is what I really love about him
his resolve
his unflinching commitment to being clear & direct to self (& other)
to being always at his edge (fuzzy as it may be)
he is the embodiment of the process of continually dismantling layers of self-deception
and tweaking and upgrading to align ever more (with the Source)

no matter how slow

his biggest challenge is trust & letting go,
allowing himself more ecstasy,
in fact, he doesn’t allow too much affection to embrace him,
he is aloof and a bit socially constipated,
up close and personal yet some way always out of reach,

but then again,
no matter what
he is slugging it out

energy is generated not had

the other day I was invited to dub for extras in a movie
and it so happened that I was totally sluggish that day..
imagine a soft-& slow-spoken guy (that I am) in a totally dim state
and with the compromised verbal articulation that goes with it
attempting to deliver an intense volley of rapid orders
(for the characters of a commando guy and a pissed off police chief)

indeed, my voice may not turn out to be useful for the editors in the end
but I got to experienced yet again the power of, let’s say, squeezed action:
although I felt rather pallid that whole morning
forcing some semblance of vocal intensity out of me had the side-effect of rousing me up, I felt invigorated afterwards, pushed over a threshold of weakness, in effect,
the “up-regulation” of my voice guided me out of the blur

sometimes the same thing happens when I work out (with bar- kettle- or clubbell)
when I push myself beyond a threshold and the idling state/dynamics that holds me ever tighter on a given day eventually flips into a spiraling one that uplifts me

as they say: energy is not something you have, it is something you generate

be smart

stop pretending that you don’t get stuff
that you don’t understand his/her motives
that wit & quips are forever lost on you

it’s easy to play possum
it’s easy to tone it down

in as much you are an embodiment of nature
even if a particular human projection of it,
you have access to it “all”
and all it takes is “just” relaxing into it

to be into it is to intuit 😉

we are way less than we think we are
but also, infinitely more
than we could ever imagine

fear, recoil, resistance

don’t feed it
just feel it

feel it but
don’t feed it

in other words,
own it

remember, to own
is to witness & allow

and to allow
is to align

to quote Scott Sonnon:
facing weakness feels harder than rebuilding from it,
but nothing ever goes away
until we confront what we’ve concealed

functionality demands humility
for you must admit denied weaknesses
rather than inflate compromised strengths

hunt your weaknesses before they stalk you