#selfie

a week ago I asked two students of mine the following Q:
“what do you love about yourself?”
which they proceeded to evade saying, essentially, that they are not particularly keen on this American style of self-aggrandizing narcissism (and that they would rather address -like a good Hungarian- the opposite pole of the equation: what they don’t like in themselves)
I acknowledged that this may be too direct a question within the context of a lesson but speculated that perhaps they are uncomfortable about it “simply” because of the threat of exposure,
besides, I added, saying negative things about ourselves is so easy, it’s hard-wired in way,
but if someone truly owns who they are, I continued, then it’s not a big deal at all to casually share their private perceptions (of self & others) if asked

sharing opens a state of vulnerability

the prospect of sharing something intimate & “personal” makes us recoil
probably because it threatens the self-image we’ve created (with the vicarious assistance of others) to buffer any chance of rejection

at any rate, here’s a quick sketch on what I love about myself:

although he is quite a challenging filtering contraption
I like tripping with Márk and I think he belongs to the “so cool it’s just cute” category
although, he is opaque and wishy-washy and fuzzy at his edges,
blurred, in essence, as is his vision
he is dedicated
and this is what I really love about him
his resolve
his unflinching commitment to being clear & direct to self (& other)
to being always at his edge (fuzzy as it may be)
he is the embodiment of the process of continually dismantling layers of self-deception
and tweaking and upgrading to align ever more (with the Source)

no matter how slow

his biggest challenge is trust & letting go,
allowing himself more ecstasy,
in fact, he doesn’t allow too much affection to embrace him,
he is aloof and a bit socially constipated,
up close and personal yet some way always out of reach,

but then again,
no matter what
he is slugging it out

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