100

the 100th of you has just subscribed to this blog,
whoever you are out there, thank you for sharing the journey with me, I will post a longer one today, on the topic of self-reliance:

I get easily overexcited when I meet someone I find attractive,
as we flirt, I get infatuated, and it literally feels like a fever, my heart quickens, my mind starts racing, my “edge” blurs, my poise starts melting

a rule of thumb I abide by is not to contact the person until I manage to let them totally go (as being someone special rather than specific)
until I sweat them out of my system so to speak
and then, if the thing is still on: reconnect from a grounded place
it may take days, weeks or even months

what, in effect, is happening is that these individuals
trigger, say, my inner Gollum.. and I spiral into a decentered state of mind where overexcitement gets me caught up in a runaway loop of adrenalin and cortisol,
I lose my deeper impulse to superficial ones (this is what it means to lose poise/presence)

/quick sidenote: to get caught up and take a ride on the emotional rollercoaster of romance is natural and is okay but what’s not okay is to let it deplete and thus compromise one’s capacity to be present and “show up” for others/

at this stage I have got to slow down/decelerate & leverage the excitement to reclaim my poise

witnessing the scatterbrain scramble: my monkey-mind jumping all over the place, chattering screaming flailing tossing about fantasizing: I begin to proactively reground myself

I snap out of the scarcity mindset of intensifying clinging & neediness and flip it around into proactive recovery: I begin patching up the leakage and curbing the depletion inflicted on my energetic inner ecosystem

I go for long walks, breath into my extremities, keep journaling & churning the golden nuggets out of the turmoil, do incantations or scales to get aligned with my voice, sing & hum and speak in the “language of the stars” (twittering & twaddling whatever is bubbling up), do bodyscans, imagine my feelings as colours, as a shifting rainbow, refocus on my core values & principles, etc, etc.

in essence, I do things that allow rather than aggravate the loop
because that’s another thing:
the best way to flip an emotionally tense situation around is simply to amplify it: to let it bloom & ripple through fully

of course,
there is productive & counterproductive amplification, though:

the latter happens when you quicken the loop by fueling it with stimulants (like music, social media, etc.) making it even worse,
while the former is about allowing
which is an amplification in stillness, allowing the loop to resolve itself

ok

to recap:

overexcitement depletes me quickly
I have to be strategic about replenishing and rebounding as efficiently as possible, to curb the runaway loop

why?

for no matter how shared our mind is, how distributed our cognition (and how sweet the blindness of infatuation): the ability to rebound and recover quickly from the hangover of interpersonal intoxication is a must if you truly want to participate & contribute: to act from a state of abundance

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