reclaiming the magic kingdom

upon visiting
childhood scenes of my past
I experience flashbacks of sensations
triggered by various landmarks & atmospheric qualities
buildings, trees, lights, sounds or smells in the air
which cue the texture of a long lost world

in these moments (of idleness)
the mirages of the past loom large:
I find myself enmeshed in the dreamy, creamy flesh and aroma of what’s gone
and on the verge of tears

at this point I remind myself of two things:

first,

all the glints of the rich texture, all the colors
that I feel have leaked from the rainbow of my experience since then
are still with me

in effect,
it’s not the specific people and situations that I miss in these moments
rather I miss the feelings that they triggered

feelings anchored in the state of total abandon and blind faith
in the world around me

(over the years all the mesmerizing sense of novelty has dissipated from my experience
and I let the feeling of magic slip from me,
somewhere along the way
I took the cue to deny myself access to certain emotions
like the feeling that everything’s in its right place)

secondly,

nostalgia is a myopic focus
on one side of the equation

the experience of this enchanted state
of total abandon
is open in the future as well

with all the new people and situations
blending into our life in the years ahead

becoming reenchanted with the world around us is a choice

we can choose to be mesmerized by the excitements of every new day

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