To interrupt a pattern: STOP

By way of adding another installment to my confessional type of posts I’d like to share how I ended up nipping the loop of a self-pity ’’moodality’’ in its bud the other day

Of course, what triggered the onset of this particular loop or bout of low vibration energy had to do—as always—with encountering and entertaining an idea and automatically buying into it as well as all the associated ideas it engendered in my mind—too much time on one’s hands never fails to get to one’s unsteady head

In short, the idea I came across online was that following a Ray Peat inspired higher carb diet—which I am tentatively experimenting with—may be a compensatory way of self-medicating for those people who have ’’a non-negligible percentage of alcoholics up their family tree’’ in that much like alcohol sugar helps deal with anxiety (if my extrapolation is not mistaken)

This idea got me thinking (and linking other ideas): both of my grandfathers were alcoholics who died at a relatively young age, I have 3 brothers and come to think of it all 4 of us are quite the maniacs in our own specific ways. (While I am obsessed with intellectualizing experience, seeing and understanding as well as improving faltering ’’conditions’’—I think, one of my brothers is a kind of a hobo spiritualist who is into the experience of merging and substance induced ecstasy—I think, another is obsessed with sports, athleticism, cycling and numbers, statistics—I think, and the third is obsessed with games and animations, all that Japanese Anime and Manga stuff—I think)

Now, to the idea of obsession {The obsessive compulsive tendencies seem rampant in our family} I linked the idea of tragedy {We are going to suffer from some degenerative disease and die early and/or in pain as a result of decades long neural abuse} and as if putting the needle on a record on a record-player I could feel myself falling into a self-induced trance, routinely sliding into the whirling loop of self-pity as the needle of my mind started picking up that all too familiar bittersweet tune (just like a Siren’s song)

As I said this is a pretty familiar and routine process for me, I have been down this rabbit hole countless times before and, as usual, I felt waves of pain washing and taking over me, but this time I stopped, I simply put myself the question—Do I wish to wallow in this idea? and I gave myself permission to say YES! For a moment or two I considered saying YES but then I simply lost interest… by default I have chosen the truth of the moment instead

This is key: never underestimate and fail to have recourse to some form of direct inquiry when the emotional plot seems to thicken a bit too much, put an open ended question to yourself while keeping in mind that there is no right or wrong answer to that question—Do I wish to fixate on this image (from the past/possible future)?—and simply be detached (’’objective’’) and don’t concern yourself with the subliminal judgment buried in the question (that probably I shouldn’t), simply answer YES (or NO), for it’s all a matter of taking ownership, you have to make it a point not to let yourself off the hook, that’s all, to interrupt a pattern you have to stay present, and make no mistake about it, as a guaranteed byproduct there will be a bonus: the more you give yourself permission to slack off (by saying YES to indulging in something you know you shouldn’t) the less you will feel compelled to do so

In hindsight, incidentally, I am convinced that while it may express itself in different intensities and practices deep down we all are obsessive compulsive maniacs, whether we admit it or not, the only difference being the level of awareness we bring to bear on it


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