Once you hit the existential rock bottom and you ask the final question: What’s the point? the answer that hits you & echoes through your whole body is: The truth. For a split second you recognize that it’s not about you. it’s not about your self-realization. But it’s about the truth. In that moment you understand: The truth is the point.
What you fear the most is what you crave the most. There is nothing that brings more joy & sense of accomplishment and fulfillment and liberation in this life than (repeatedly) sacrificing your self on the altar of the truth.
The trick is to not take these ecstatic moments personally [and form an identity around chasing them] but keep on crucifying the self as long as there is a self to be crucified.