On the personal level am stuck in a loop of constantly trying and falling short. My ego operates according to the logic of STRUGGLE which siphons off all my energy and literally dries up & cannibalizes my body. That’s all that it knows: ’I’ enacts struggle in order to STRUGGLE. This is the loop I has been caught up in and that has [set up] ruined relationships and compromised my metabolic health over the years. Unfortunately (or fortunately) to my body my ego writes checks it can no longer cash. My petite body just cannot sustain the intensity of the massive STRUGGLE it is supposed to manifest. And so there is a lag, a hotbed of symptoms. That’s the main reason why I am forced to give in, to come out of hiding from the truth. For which I’m grateful even if at times it’s painful.
The truth of the matter is: The less I hide the less I am and the less I am the less I STRUGGLE.