How absurd and how tragic that parents hurt their children by shaming & guilting them for things that, in effect, they themselves bequeathed them. Instead of encouraging the blooming of their unique flair they (in)directly transmit their own anxieties on to the opulent and highly impressionable, fecund minds of their children. The child practically becomes the site of the parents’ internal battles who then identifies with and enacts the emotional pain their parents suffer from. But who is there to blame? All of this is impersonal, trans-generational stuff. Part of growing up is waking up to and seeing through these internalized (personally taken) impersonal patterns—which, incidentally, we’ll never manage to get rid of since, by definition, we as a person (as an ego) are the creation of those very patterns. Of course, what we truly are is infinitely vaster than the personal self we are tormented & so deeply smitten by.
/Besides inculcating a necessary ego function this is the overall sense that is to be cultivated in our children from the get-go.