In the past you were open, geared towards the given: to what was coming into [this present moment of] your life in the form of people, relations, new things, new scenes, entranced—feeling orange—no matter what, adrift, drifting with abandon, engaging, and then, somewhere along the way, like each and every one of us, you fell for it, you started fixating on the missing: on what was falling and keeping away from you, you contracted melancholy, you became chronically blue and fear-full, prone to be anxiously grasping and gasping, drifting with worries. Sluggishness overtook, orange turned blue: You became a colder, more constipated you.
Struggle or Surrender. Drift fear-fully or drift through fear. This is your call. The truth is given—always, already: giving. Take it or leave it. The rest is a mirage. No matter how vivid: It’s only a mirage. Pick your lane: drift fear-fully or drift through fear.
The distance between the genius and the muse is ego.
The second you grab, things collapse. As soon as you try, you lose. The moment you reach, things fall away. As soon as you have, you lack. The instant you stall, you stumble. Etc.
It’s a process of progressive letting go. First you manipulate, then you negotiate. First you try to control, then manage. First you want to spare, then share. First identified and attached, then detached. From monologue you switch to dialogue. Etc. And then in the end—when no corner remains for you to cut, hide in or turn to—you shall surrender. You climb the ladder only to experience the slide and you lose hold to realize that there is no ladder there to hold on to.
My own fear is what I hate in you.
When you feel that you don’t have enough energy it’s usually a sure sign that you have way too much unexpressed energy. You either go all in and all the way or you flail half-heartedly & half-baked—that’s just how the proverbial cookie crumbles. Cooling down through progressive relaxation is the best warm-up for gaining sustainable momentum.