Stuff I wish I had been told before entering “adulthood”

Not that it would have mattered (or meant) much, but still:

  • Keep warm. Eat for heat. Keep your feet, your hands and nose warm in the colder seasons. Keep blood sugar elevated and relatively steady.
  • You are not responsible for how others feel and act. Everybody is responsible for themselves. The slightest sense of guilt and shame you feel signal that you are playing games with yourself.
  • All emotional pressure is self-imposed. Nobody is responsible for how you feel. Most of your pain is psychological which can be let go of by relaxing and seeing (through) it. Opportunities for this (in the form of problems and cringeful moments) will recur until there is total recognition.
  • Girls are not like boys. Girls emote and they’re geared to react. Don’t be logical with her, ride her emotional waves instead. She doesn’t want to be impressed: she wants to be seen, met, felt, desired and taken by someone who has (loose, relaxed) poise and knows what he wants. Transparency is a big turn on for her. She wants to be ’thrusted’ by someone who can be totally trusted.
  • Don’t take yourself (too) seriously. Don’t take things personally. Stay loose, at ease. Keep things light and simple. Stay cool.
  • An argument doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. Conflicts are not ominous precursors to impending abandonment. They are an integral part of relationships. Nothing is ever personal, really. All things in intimacy are transpersonal, which is to say: Conflicts are openings.
  • You cannot lose what/who truly belongs to you. The truth can’t be harmed. You always have what you need at the moment.
  • You do not violate anyone by ’inconveniencing’ them with (your) truth—only your fragile little ego, which is always a good cause.
  • It’s OK to be solitary in nature and to be a semi-recluse if that’s what makes you tick & feel alive. It doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve (to) care (for others).
  • Don’t rush (into) anything, let things come to you. Things come to you when it’s time for them to come to you. Relentlessly: keep decelerating.
  • Whatever you achieve in life you achieve despite your efforts, to the extent you give it space (~pure attention). Your life is a reflection of where you tend to place your attention. The more relaxed you are the more you tend to place your attention where it belongs.
  • Wallowing in occasional bouts of sorrowful self-pity and emotionally abusing yourself is perfectly natural but remember that it’s also one of the easiest thing in life you can indulge in doing. That’s why everybody is doing it. Enjoy the odd melanchoholic binge but don’t overdo it unnecessarily. Don’t be a bitch, please.
  • Much like everybody else you’ll feel some-one truly special compared to others, the uncrowned king/queen of (your little) universe, unrecognized and underappreciated. And that’s why you are going to struggle to be (seen as) better than ’’them’’. It’s totally futile.
  • Your most important task in life is to find out the truth about who/what you truly All else is secondary.
  • Nothing is a big deal. All is well, even when it’s not. Just stay available.




Nietzsche is all for taking full responsibility, for your life, your thoughts, your feelings, your neurotic patterns, your shadow, your light, etc. instead of giving away your power and then act like a helplessly hapless victim, hopelessly dispossessed and comfortably numb, overtly or covertly bitching and moaning, subliminally poison-dripping, guilt-tripping and shaming those who are self-reliant and self-amused, light and loose in their creative disposition. / Get better, not bitter. Be the creator, not the created. Give what you’d wish to receive. You attract what you are. Choose life. Become what you are! Or, in the words of Zarathustra:

  • Companions I need who follow me because they follow themselves. / Only when you’ve denied me will I return to you.
  • To the incurable one shouldn’t try to be a physician.
  • There is little of man here, therefore their women strive to be mannish. For only he who is man enough will release the woman in women. [#youtoo?]
  • Those who are half-and-half spoil all that is whole.
  • One shall not wish to enjoy where one does not give joy.
  • The good must crucify him who invents his own virtue / They sacrifice the future to themselves.
  • I love those who do not want to preserve themselves.
  • He who has always spared himself much will in the end become sickly of so much consideration.
  • …to recreate all ’’it was’’ until the will says Thus I willed it, Thus I shall will it—this I call redemption.
  • …where I no longer need to stoop before those who are small.
  • Under their eyes I want to go under, dying, I want to give my richest gift.

Owen Cook

The nice guy and the creep are the same guy because everybody is the same guy. Everybody wants to get paid, everybody wants to get laid, everybody wants value, fun, good emotions and minimize bad emotions. There is no good guy or bad guy. It’s just are they win-lose or are they win-win. Do they get you and take a minute to get in your head for your wants and needs or are they all about themselves.


Have compassion for the corrupt leaders you judge: see yourself in them first. See the monster within—the inner Gollam, the compulsion to compensate for the pain of withheld love—before you address and seek to redress any of their abusive malpractice in effect. You must understand locally any rationale to control, reign and dominate (globally): that it all stems from a misunderstanding that fuels fears which in turn nurture the monster within.

Audit Yourself

The kind of situations and conflicts you tend to get involved in, the manner in which you idealize and dote [fixate] on certain types of people and antagonize [diss] certain others reflect the [self-abusive, fear-based] emotions you are addicted to, and tell more about your personal [unresolved] issues than anything else in the world.

Best Friend

At long last I’ve found my best friend. The friend who was always missing in my life. The friend who is the absolute best friend. The friend who is totally reliable, totally honest and totally transparent towards me. The friend who cares for me unconditionally and impersonally without any strings attached. The friend who is not sparing me from any shred of my own bullshit. The friend who is always absolutely there for me. The friend who took forever for me to recognize and who I still feel a bit intimidated by. The friend I still actually feel a bit reluctant to truly engage… because I know that this friend offers the deepest and the harshest kind of intimacy I’ll ever get to experience in my life. Its name is Truth. And the only distance between us is the fear in me.


We unconsciously seek for it in each other.

I must learn to (psychologically) break up with others from the outset so that I get to meet them for real during our relationship. Fact is, the way I feel emotionally abused by others is one of the ways in which I emotionally abuse others. Indeed, I gets what I gives.

Because we unconsciously seek for it in others.

The instant I feel met by someone I tend to abdicate the truth and give in to the restless impulse, the compulsion to idealize that other and to start demanding from them to fit into the mold, the image that I project about them. I get excited, I begin to fixate. I grow attached as I energetically invest. And I anxiously expect to be taken (in) by the other who I idealize. I dive into the project of securing the perfect host, the womb where I can dwell [against emptiness].

Because I cannot take the idea of alone forever. I wants to be taken. I wants to be held.

Again, it’s a choice between Image/Dream and Truth.

I still hesitate to go with it but I can feel how my spirit intends to secretly love and support, to listen and guide and oversee the life of my people, the faces I’ve faced and have grown so fond of so far.

And so I kind of pray.

Let me let go of them, of her, of me. Let me give up the jig, the scheming. Let me be free of them and let them be free of me. Let me be empty.

Let me see it.

Let this vessel—this aperture, this light, wiry body, this odd amalgam of patterns, this particular cocktail of neuroses, this splendid fountain of thoughts and feelings, this unique flair & style of being—serve by opening now, here, for all.

Because I am here to take care, not merely to partake. I am here to smuggle in the light of consciousness under the guise of my daily activities, at work, at home, and everywhere in the neighbourhood. This is why I go solo and this is why I need plenty of time to rest and to recover. As delicate as I am I am intent on going within so I get to bring some of what I receive back to you out there. I buffer so that I can serve you to the best of my ability. I need to go in before I can go out and engage in a meaningful, productive way. Sometimes it takes weeks or even months, sometimes only an hour or so. This is my gift.

And so I pray.

Help me so I can help you.

Support me so I get to support you.

We need each other.

Because we find it in ourselves, together.