If you contract around someone you automatically get involved, you congeal into a role, a pole in reaction to the other person’s role as the opposite, counter pole. You are in reaction. The quickest way out of the scheme of this ill-bred predicament is to let the truth claim your heart on the spot and proceed to share your overall intent [to lighten up] with this particular individual too, to project love onto them behind their back. Now, unbeknownst to them, you set the super-frame that defines the game you two play—which is the game of the open heart.
I can’t afford self-pity any more than I can afford put-on sentiments of commiseration. Assuming the emotional pain of others won’t help anybody to deal with the fallout of their personal tragedy. The best gesture I can offer is to lead by example, which is taking the thing impersonal: directly to heart, deep and at once released.
People manipulate each other emotionally because they are terrified, and they are terrified because they are identified with their brittle little bitter ego and feel compelled to defer their pain by blaming, guilting and shaming the other. And it goes both ways: The trigger-happy are quick to click the bait—only those ego-identified can be emotionally abused. The way out is opening into it, right into the fear, the sheer terror, of ’it.’ So long as your intent is pure—to lighten up and to see, efficiency & transparency, the truth—they have nothing against you. Nothing. If your overall frame towards others is: I am here for you. If you have something real to give to the world, I am here to see and appreciate it, otherwise I am blind to you—your conscience is clear.
I see myself as a human (at)tuner of sorts. I tap into higher frequencies of presence and I expose others to these frequencies through the way I engage with them. I intend to tune others into these subtler frequencies within, to be more present themselves and feel loved and loving as a consequence. Tuning takes time and it takes trust. The stronger the existential momentum one happens to be caught up in the longer it takes to come to a sufficient standstill where true intent arises to orient subsequent actions. It takes time, trust and patience, but the rest takes care of itself. I am there basically to help make room for the deceleration to occur.
Here is a list of some of the (intertwined) practices that I [as an introvert] typically do to cultivate inhabiting subtler frequencies of energy:
- social isolation and minimized distraction (no TV, no news, using the internet and social media once a day for an hour @ the local library)
- sufficient recovery after ’social exertions’ (taking a nap, resting)
- writing (journaling, composing blog posts and bon mots to share online later)
- standing and sitting still (as a way of active meditation)
- humming & singing to myself
- stretching, foam-rolling, rippling and rotating my limbs and my hips in a spiral and wave like fashion, all movement directed from my core, swinging a clubbell occasionally
- listening to monotonous music (Basinski) or a track on an endless loop (e.g. Earth is Gone by Slugabed)
- listening to speeches by Adyashanti, David Deida, Owen Cook
- eating a relatively clean & balanced diet (Ray Peat inspired)
- engaging others mindfully and as authentically ’’as it gets’’ @ work, the shop, the café, social events, etc.
If the first few sessions feel weird, confusing, irritating, frustratingly directionless and unnerving it’s a good sign that there is deceleration happening which is a necessary component. The truth that is shining through the one who plays the role of the guide will sharply interrupt most of the familiar, deeply conditioned patterns of relating. It takes trust and proper surrender on both the part of the guide to be as transparent [to the truth of the moment] as it gets and on the part of the client to be as receptive [to the guide’s translucent ’dictation’] as it gets. The guide is a tuner of sorts, tuning (up) the client into subtler frequencies of energy [within]. Authenticity acts as a psychological tonic in both directions. Ideally, guide and client mutually co-evolve in the moment of engaging and a session is a different experience not only with each client but with the very same client on each occasion as well. The more transparency and trust there is the quicker the attunement occurs. The client is basically self-guided to tune into their inner fountain of wisdom and intuition. Once the tuning is sufficiently habituated the guide can be jettisoned.
This type of coaching is not goal-oriented but more like ground-zero oriented, less in the spirit of facilitation than that of deceleration, of coming to a standstill where the guide and the client mutually explore the moment as it unfolds organically. It’s not building on pre-existing ego-bound values (of purpose, goal, success) but interrupts most of these surrogate patterns. It is typically an experience of failure and frustration accompanied by a sense of liberation. Instead of priming target emotions [of fulfilment] there is no target here other than a fuller presence to the transitory (e)motions in/of the moment, to the already given, to the foundation of inherent fulfilment. In essence, it’s a training aimed at aligning with the truth of the moment.
~is the practice of relaxing into the truth of this moment & seeing the phantoms I had been chasing a moment ago for the phantoms that they actually are. It typically involves solitude and minimal distraction, idling and sinking into a kind of rippling that sometimes literally pops up through the stomach.
I’ve reached the point where the challenge is to bring the practice of unclenching into the realm of engagement, of social interaction. Clenching typically occurs as I engage others (particular faces) who mean something to me and I start to seek more validation and more rapport or to find ways to avoid further entanglement with them. In other words, there is a texture of push or pull type of energy taking over. I used to snap out of this happen-trance in solitude but now the next step seems to be to bring the practice of [transpersonal] unclenching into the thick of [interpersonal] engagement. This is, incidentally, how work becomes invigorating exercise rather than a chore. As MMA fighters know well recovery needs to happen during the lulls in the fight for them to be able to go the distance efficiently.
Feel your fear, heed the bitter, sour sounds of your fear, listen to its rumbling voice, follow it to its deepest reaching root, where it actually stems from, ferret out the seed of it and let it shoot into the story, the stalk, your character role, see the unfolding plot, the whole picture of it, spot the projected belief and sniff at the foul fragrance, the strong stench it emits, let it bloom full and drop its petals, one by one, all of those pale blue petals, and then, let it wither, on the spot, and rot.