Terrified of negotiating your truest terms and asserting your deepest values, of letting the truth speak and letting the inevitable conflicts arise, of letting contrasts emerge and sparks fly and collisions occur, to see the ripple effects of the frustration of others rub off on you. Terrified of being abandoned, of being waked up from.
You turn away.
You miss the mark
and go down the rabbit hole
Leading, following, poking, provoking, enduring, indignant, pushed, pulled, swerving, squirming, grasping, clutching, wallowing, indulging, up & high and down & low, seeking: to dodge the empty fire in the middle. To sustain separateness. To keep struggling. Until
you turn back
and return home
facing forms of yourself in front of yourself
untethered & unmoored—an open aperture
Not that it would have mattered (or meant) much, but still:
Keep warm. Eat for heat. Keep your feet, your hands and nose warm in the colder seasons. Keep blood sugar elevated and relatively steady.
You are not responsible for how others feel and act. Everybody is responsible for themselves. The slightest sense of guilt and shame you feel signal that you are playing games with yourself.
All emotional pressure is self-imposed. Nobody is responsible for how you feel. Most of your pain is psychological which can be let go of by relaxing and seeing (through) it. Opportunities for this (in the form of problems and cringeful moments) will recur until there is total recognition.
Girls are not like boys. Girls emote and they’re geared to react. Don’t be logical with her, ride her emotional waves instead. She doesn’t want to be impressed: she wants to be seen, met, felt, desired and taken by someone who has (loose, relaxed) poise and knows what he wants. Transparency is a big turn on for her. She wants to be ’thrusted’ by someone who can be totally trusted.
Don’t take yourself (too) seriously. Don’t take things personally. Stay loose, at ease. Keep things light and simple. Stay cool.
An argument doesn’t mean the end of a relationship. Conflicts are not ominous precursors to impending abandonment. They are an integral part of relationships. Nothing is ever personal, really. All things in intimacy are transpersonal, which is to say: Conflicts are openings.
You cannot lose what/who truly belongs to you. The truth can’t be harmed. You always have what you need at the moment.
You do not violate anyone by ’inconveniencing’ them with (your) truth—only your fragile little ego, which is always a good cause.
It’s OK to be solitary in nature and to be a semi-recluse if that’s what makes you tick & feel alive. It doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve (to) care (for others).
Don’t rush (into) anything, let things come to you. Things come to you when it’s time for them to come to you. Relentlessly: keep decelerating.
Whatever you achieve in life you achieve despite your efforts, to the extent you give it space (~pure attention). Your life is a reflection of where you tend to place your attention. The more relaxed you are the more you tend to place your attention where it belongs.
Wallowing in occasional bouts of sorrowful self-pity and emotionally abusing yourself is perfectly natural but remember that it’s also one of the easiest thing in life you can indulge in doing. That’s why everybody is doing it. Enjoy the odd melanchoholic binge but don’t overdo it unnecessarily. Don’t be a bitch, please.
Much like everybody else you’ll feel some-one truly special compared to others, the uncrowned king/queen of (your little) universe, unrecognized and underappreciated. And that’s why you are going to struggle to be (seen as) better than ’’them’’. It’s totally futile.
Your most important task in life is to find out the truth about who/what you truly All else is secondary.
Nothing is a big deal. All is well, even when it’s not. Just stay available.
The nice guy and the creep are the same guy because everybody is the same guy. Everybody wants to get paid, everybody wants to get laid, everybody wants value, fun, good emotions and minimize bad emotions. There is no good guy or bad guy. It’s just are they win-lose or are they win-win. Do they get you and take a minute to get in your head for your wants and needs or are they all about themselves.
Have compassion for the corrupt leaders you judge: see yourself in them first. See the monster within—the inner Gollam, the compulsion to compensate for the pain of withheld love—before you address and seek to redress any of their abusive malpractice in effect. You must understand locally any rationale to control, reign and dominate (globally): that it all stems from a misunderstanding that fuels fears which in turn nurture the monster within.