If you contract around someone you automatically get involved, you congeal into a role, a pole in reaction to the other person’s role as the opposite, counter pole. You are in reaction. The quickest way out of the scheme of this ill-bred predicament is to let the truth claim your heart on the spot and proceed to share your overall intent [to lighten up] with this particular individual too, to project love onto them behind their back. Now, unbeknownst to them, you set the super-frame that defines the game you two play—which is the game of the open heart.
People manipulate each other emotionally because they are terrified, and they are terrified because they are identified with their brittle little bitter ego and feel compelled to defer their pain by blaming, guilting and shaming the other. And it goes both ways: The trigger-happy are quick to click the bait—only those ego-identified can be emotionally abused. The way out is opening into it, right into the fear, the sheer terror, of ’it.’ So long as your intent is pure—to lighten up and to see, efficiency & transparency, the truth—they have nothing against you. Nothing. If your overall frame towards others is: I am here for you. If you have something real to give to the world, I am here to see and appreciate it, otherwise I am blind to you—your conscience is clear.
When you engage outside the pattern of collective neurosis you risk rapport constantly as you trick them into forgetting and surrendering themselves out of the safety of the familiar personal form before they remember to flip out and squirm and resort to try and guilt and shame you into assuming proper character or a relatable role on the neurotic terms of ego and so you get triggered and you spew fuckoff yall smallminded mo fos inside I wont play by no rules of yours I wont play no victim shit I wont engage no power hour no manipulation no emotional chess no drama whatso ever I wont budge to the pull of no expectation I wont play no part NO FUCKEN PART wont abandon the truth for noonessake for crissakes wont take your crap on wont take it serious wont take it personal and I wont be responsible I wont harbour no false conscience fuckoffyall closedminded controlfreaks all you uptight frustrated troll bitches fuckoff yall narcissistic insecure pussies am ready to lose face, respect, rapport and touch, am ready to mess up, to let down, to abandon and be abandoned, am ready to be mocked, dissed and ridiculed, I ain’t nobody for anybody any longer FUCK YOU is all I got to say to you FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCKTHEFUCK YOUALL is all I get to say as on the tailend it frays and fizzles out and the aperture widens and what trickles is love nevertheless instead the love that shines with no flinch and no wince an open pupil that dilates the love that pulls all in and through out, irresistible, real, for real
There is a fundamental difference between sharing things about you with others as a gesture of opening with them and neurotically shutting down and stealthily bombarding the other (about the special exploits of your special character) in order to hook them in.
The people you (choose to) value the most for whatever (personal) reason you tend to abuse the most. Preferential treatment implies an ego at work. You naturally feel compelled to manipulate in some manner the ones you value so that you can ground your sense of (special) self in and through them. You need them to act a certain way for you to feel then a certain way. It’s a natural consequence of fixation—and a nasty habit to have.
Every time you trip down the rabbit hole of your personal neurosis when engaging someone—the instant you want to impress, to oblige, to persuade, convince, humour, manipulate, control, sustain and manage the attention of the other—you reduce the other to a mere tool that you use to fix the lack and fill the gap you feel gaping inside you [since infanthood]; you reduce the moment of love to a moment of abuse. Those of us who grew up feeling deprived of attention (love) tend to indulge in this kind of abuse the most—perhaps. It’s a neat self-perpetuating loop for sure: reflexively abandoning the other because of feeling about to be abandoned by them.
Are you the type of person who has the knack of intuiting what sort of empowering thoughts people may need to hear, entertain and spell out [for themselves] at the moment but is way too anxious to patiently take the time and help them find their own way to (verbally and emotionally) reassure themselves, and proceeds instead to steal their thunder and blurt out a piece of wisdom and validating confirmation before their own attempts at formulating and accessing an insight [that your mere unswerving presence, in effect, would grant them time & space for]—all in order that they then associate and attribute their sense of elation with you? I know I am. I want to feel indispensable. Yet another abusive, ego-serving tactic at work.