You are addicted to emotional pain. It’s your unnoticed reactions that you are up against—should you decide to break the loop. Weaning from your conditioning takes pure attention. Not much else is required.
One type of planning involves an image in the mind that you are fixating on and that causes anxiety and stress. The other type is the one that is basically a knowledge of what’s already unfolding (through you). The best plan is the one where you feel called to relax more and more efficiently into the self-assembling scheme of the plan itself. In other words there is a sense that all the steps that need to be taken and all the tasks that need attending arise organically, and you don’t exert more force than necessary. Instead, you are as economical with exerting force as it gets since you recognize that there is no need for control and nothing has to be held together and so there is no rush, no hurry, no stress, no worry—all is required is that you direct your attention to the issue at hand and truncate the tendrils of fixation cropping up. Figuratively speaking: You hold your hand open as a cup rather than grasp after what you fancy or at what falls into it. Execution requires no clenching or sustained focus and fixation. Again, all that is required is attention. Discern the distinction! To attend [rather than fixate] means that you never need to do or come up with anything at all so long as you simply direct your attention to what you intend, no matter how long it takes, the best idea, the best insight, the best action comes of its own accord if you rest your attention there long enough. All of life comes basically down to this one thing: to your patterns of attending.
In the past you were open, geared towards the given: to what was coming into [this present moment of] your life in the form of people, relations, new things, new scenes, entranced—feeling orange—no matter what, adrift, drifting with abandon, engaging, and then, somewhere along the way, like each and every one of us, you fell for it, you started fixating on the missing: on what was falling and keeping away from you, you contracted melancholy, you became chronically blue and fear-full, prone to be anxiously grasping and gasping, drifting with worries. Sluggishness overtook, orange turned blue: You became a colder, more constipated you.
Take nothing at face value. See through the sur-face. See through the ripples. Rest with the truth of this moment. No matter the content it’s the context of your engagements that manifests in your experience. No matter their content it’s the context of your comments that determines the interpersonal trajectories involving you.
See through the bitchiness of women, see through the antagonism of colleagues, see through the heavy moods of loved ones, see through their trans-generational, trauma-induced compulsions to hurt and feel hurt, see through the ingratiating comments of your fans, see through your adverse and elated reactions—feel them, embrace them, fully, rest in them, struggle with ease—nothing’s a big deal.
- When you notice an escalation of tension & wiredness collapse right into your sofa and tune into the ’white noise’ in your ears.
- Trace the emotional pain that got triggered: localize it by scanning your body as you’re letting it sink (deflate) deeper & deeper into the sofa.
- Let the sensations (and the voices) ripple and intensify as you rest & sink into them as well.
- Relax all the way.
Whenever you feel you need some form of guidance in an area of your life your best bet is to draw your relaxed attention to the issue at hand first thing at dawn when you wake up from your slumber: just rest and linger there half awake as you inquire, the guidance that comes from stillness is what you need.
/This is, incidentally, also the best time to practice ’sinking’ into ’the white noise’ in your ears (aka resting in stillness)/
Let all (self-imposed) pressure to deliver go.
Let your fac(ad)e crumble and reveal the empty interior.
Let the IMAGEs [opinions, views, thoughts, beliefs, internal commentaries, memories, reminiscences, feelings, facts, etc. about yourself, other people, the world, as well as the attendant sense of guilt, loss, shame, inadequacy, anxiety, inferiority, regress, progress, mission, success, superiority, etc.] that fill in the gaps and contract the flow of perception melt and leak away, and reveal the world again and again—as quickly as they congeal.
Let there be more truth and less fixation.