If you feel like the proverbial monkey wrench thrown into the machine after relocating to a new scene of living—injecting an interruption into the stilted interpersonal patterns of the place—it’s a good sign that you’re on the right track. Sometimes some of us are meant to bring a breath of fresh air for some of us who are meant to be the building blocks in the wall of a community.



There is always the choice between going with the TRUTH or HOLDING BACK (aka feeding into the fearful ego). When a girl arouses you and you feel like engaging her but hold back instead (to maintain your cool and not risk losing face while hoping for her to initiate) you deny the TRUTH and more importantly you refuse to GIVE her BACK the GIFT that she is giving you by her arousing presence in that moment. Her presence triggers a SPARK in you that can be shared (instead of trying to keep your ego spared). Of course, it’s not necessary at all to do so especially when yo ain’t single, but that can be your truest gift to her: giving back the spark that SHE triggers in you by telling her how she makes you feel (inside and out)—no agenda, no pressure, no demands, no strings attached. Embodying the jolt of the moment. Aligning with the truth and sharing it. She will either appreciate it or she will react out of her own fearful ego and reject or even try and humiliate you. Both ways are OK since it is the truth that she responds to. Nothing is ever personal. If there is a SPARK it is your privilege as a man to initiate engaging her and it is her privilege as a woman to either receive or reject your truthful thrust. For this you must keep your poise and be grounded in your gut, engaging her from the truth of the moment—steering clear of the images the scheming ego automatically starts projecting. If she resorts to playing games with you she is doing so out of frustration over your failing to stay true to her and the truth of the moment. Simple as that. Now go and harass her ass. See where it goes…

fear of intimacy

if intimacy is a big deal for you and you tend to recoil from it because you feel paranoid of ending up being emotionally abused & bruised

practice letting go in the moment

the closure you fret gets enacted by you being too much outside of the moment which is to say: ‘in other people’s heads’

feel the chemistry of the moment:
attach and allow no strings

intimacy is exposure at its most intense
intellectualizing is a way of buffering against it

instead of resenting (& keep buffering against) the demand for connection
(let) go deeper and longer every single time

let go
relax into the exposure
relish your wobbles
witness the ripples
and feed it all back to poise (grounded presence)

take ownership

exposure is the name of the game
and transparency is what lubricates it

for further tangents on the topic
& listen to:

relationships help you align

if you initiate a relationship
from a place of holding back
and putting up an engaging cool front
it will take effort to maintain it
before you end up losing it

in principle,
what you achieve through effort
will take effort to keep
but when you achieve something with ease
(i.e. without holding back)
it will evolve with ease

to find a good match:
don’t hold back, taste a lot and keep probing,
learn to see beyond looks
and perceive behavioral compatibility