Vantage

Protecting your exclusive viewpoint. Your vantage, that presumed advantage. It feels safe up there, soaring. So reassuring. Looking in from without. Seeing the folly, detached form all of it. Alienated from others involved in it and alienating others, too, from you. Insular. Is that what you truly intend to have given/gotten? Or do you want to ’come down’ after all? Be honest. That is the question: To be you or to be true? To be or to love?

The Dream

Your ego is a strange attractor that anchors looping neurotic patterns (of emotion, thought, behavior) that sustain a sense of you as a somebody.

This moment is all that has ever been. The rest is a random rainbow trip. Consciousness collapses into an ego trip when a perception [of safety/threat, comfort/pressure, success/failure, freedom/trap, acceptance/rejection, appreciation/misjudgement, etc.] triggers a cascade of neurotic patterns across hormonal, myofascial, metabolic, psychological, etc. levels. The ’I’ flares up, the story of ’me’ rekindles and Light slips down the rabbit hole of the personal kaleidoscope. That is to say: Experience collapses into perceptions that in turn trigger neurotic patterns of anxiety, excitement, joy, nervousness, worry, guilt, shame, fixation, avoidance, recoil, fear of loss, of missing out, sense of inadequacy, of inferiority, of unworthiness, melancholy, dejection, compulsion to sustain, preserve and conserve, muscular tension in the gut, in the neck, cortisol spikes, glycogen plummets, etc.

Ego consciousness is an energy vortex with an ever elusive vacuum in the middle surrounded by clouds of cyclic patterns. Reminds me of this: atom_icon2-1030x1030

What Goes Around

When you obtain something out of straining, out of grasping for it you can keep it only by holding (on to) it. Anything you manage to get hold of is something that’s hard-won and needs constant maintenance. It’s doomed to break down and fall away in the end. Think of your ex. Ill-gotten gains require ill at ease games. Let things come to you instead—no matter how long it takes. Relax into the truth.