A couple of hours ago I sat down to relax and to see (more clearly the truth of my current situation) and what I saw after 2 hours of squirming and restlessly turning was that what, in effect, I sat down with was an agenda to see. It took me around 2 hours to opt for the truth over the self-induced fit of confusion and frustration. My mind kept flashing images from the past and the potential future to which my body responded in kind and the I felt eager to go into the texture of these sensations to let them resolve themselves. I wanted to spend the time productively and do some healing. Yet again, I sat down to resolve and transcend the internal mess that defines feeble, fallible me. In other words, I didn’t sit down to relax initially, I sat down to struggle rather. Much like in writing these posts where usually there is a hidden agenda that sparks the intent to engage in articulating them—namely the agenda to get past and transcend the weaker version of myself by sharing and thus taking ownership of it—more often than not meditation is abused to the same narcissistic end.
/I wonder, though, if I am still around and decided on a whim to reread these posts in 10+ years from now how will I relate to them? Will I feel embarrassed? Or amused? Or fascinated? Or puzzled? I have no idea. Probably, for better or for worse, I’ll have much less free time on my hands to indulge in chasing my elusive tail like this. Probably the concept of ’transcending me mess’ won’t make much sense either by that time. Who knows. I’ll report back, I guess. But then, all I’m doing here is playing the game of the truth and this is where it’s at right now.
Never listen to a woman’s nonsense but do appreciate her essence. No superfood or lifestyle hack can substitute for the magic of the feminine essence. You may be fixated exclusively on her p*ssy, her apple tits and firm, round ass or you may be addicted and emotionally attached to the comforting idea that you project about her (validating presence) but there is so much more that a woman can offer a man.
Every man needs a woman.
A woman, a true woman—a woman grounded in her truth—has the power to heal a man with her touch, her kiss and the warming caress of her juicy depths. And to truly relish a woman the man has to be grounded in his truth respectively. Otherwise he wouldn’t be able to localize the emotional pain, the energetic wound in his body that She can heal by the application of her fingertips and her soft lips.
Whenever you feel wired sit down in a private secluded place as soon as you possibly can. Sit with your sensations and start scanning. Localize the area of the tension. Zero in on ’’the energetic wound you have sustained’’ and once you can sense the seat of it keep your attention loosely there and hover, hang around there as long as possible. You may feel an intensification of the sensation to the point of some form of actual pain and that’s a good sign. Certain ideas, images, memories may spring into your mind as well which may or may not have something to do with the particular manifestation of that pain in the now. The more that you can rest into that pain the softer its coils go. /If you have ever massaged your muscles with a foam roller or a tennis or golf ball or something, you understand the principle. It takes finding the tight spot and lingering there until the neural holding twitches & gives up its ghost.
Your symptoms flare up when your body has to resort to make you STOP—it’s an energetic collapse that regrounds you. Your symptoms are a symptom of regrouping energetically. It’s something that needs to happen to rebalance your runaway, (hormonally—emotionally—socially) imbalanced ways. To mitigate this energetic sway you can take preventive measures like proper, stress-relieving nutrition & mindful awareness practices. It takes time but it’s not rocket science. Pay attention to your body and your mind and you’ll feel and you’ll see your unmet needs.
Do you still feel (the feeling of feeling) terrified when your symptoms flare up? Do you still think there is a (right) way to (do things to) avoid the next episode that is already stalking you?
Are you still fixated on resolving your issues and escaping your symptoms once and for all? Are you still fixated on doing it the right way? Are you still working on the project of transcending the broken version of your self (that is at the mercy of the stressor-ridden contingency called its environment)?
Do you still buy into the idea that it’s not as safe over there as it is over here? Or, in other words, that the world is over there and you are over here?