Pay Attention

tune into every little wobble you experience
they give way and give away your attempts at Self-sabotage

your reactions hint at unresolved tensions
and neurotic holding patterns

they show where you are at
where you are presently standing in your own way

breathe out
relax into them

variations on a theme

project yourself into the Middle Ages or ancient Rome
into another era, another continent
or another gender, another race
imagine that you are a soldier in a trench in the 1st World War
someone about to be lynched in the southern US at beginning of the 20th century

so many of us
so many lifelines
so many peculiar associations,
personal histories

..and realize
beneath the kaleidoscopic flux of personal histories
all of us share the same consciousness
the one awareness

understand that:
you are not special
Life is not unfolding for you, Life is not about you
you could be anybody
any time

Meaning, happiness
created by


anybody you walk past on the street
you could be them
living their life

witness how you judge others
witness how you distance yourself from others
admit & own it

you think that others are not so openminded as you are
you think that you are more aware and more in tune than others
guess what:
that’s what I also think
that already makes us two lol

we are part of all of us

none of us is special

all of us is specific

living a singular life
in a plural world

you get what you give

in essence, giving is letting go
as in “fruits that have some give will have more juice than hard ones”

follow the lead of your fear

whenever your face/ego is squealing
you are on the right track
just feel it ripple through
savor it
do not feed it
simply feel it
as it burns

leverage your fear

the more fears you appropriate inside
the more successful you become outside

do not forcefeed your growth
ease into it

keep stretching without snapping
thrive on exposure
within the hormetic range


I am IT

I have access to all there IS

to the extent that I [dare to]
trust my intuitions

to the extent that I [dare to]
allow it to manifest

to the extent that I [dare to]
take ownership of it

by letting myself being granted
the permission to do so


I reject myself
I give in to and let myself be held back
by the fear of rejection, of humiliation, of failure
by the fear of disappointing self & other, of not being enough
I want to hedge my bets and play it safe
I want to get it without giving it first
I want to become it without being it first
I want to have it without earning it first
I want to get away with it without owning it first
I would like to impress others without impressing myself first
I want to tune into my intuitions without acting on them first
I want success without failure
I want growth without continual break-down

until I realize
that ‘self-promotion‘ is a loop
involving both sides of the equation
a loop that expands in ever wider spirals

until I viscerally understand that
real rejection is self-rejection
real failure is failing to act on my deepest impulses
& that I am truly humiliated
when I let my fear of humiliation hold me back

get the edge

the principle behind stochastic resonance
is adding noise to amplify and thus detect a weak signal

in a similar vein
taking (all sorts of) action
helps me in the process of fine-tuning
my alignment with my deepest impulses
in short
exposure (~noise) brings out my essence

there is no way around this, no shortcut:
I become a stronger version of myself via exposure
by taking action, day after day

in contrast with the quick-fix mentality
which promises gains without losses
this is a moebius loop or spiral:
where growth (or reception) is proportional to breaking down (rejection)

word up MJ:
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.


to induce growth: intrude


roll with transient “losses”


put yourself on the line

be shameless, make no apologies

long term gains
come at the expense
of the transient ones

grow your tolerance for exposure
grow the balls to follow your gut
act on and-by the same token-tune in to your deepest impulses

intrude more
resist less

exposure heals

every time you let the superficial impulses of your lesser self
take the better of you
at the expense of your deeper impulses
in other words,
every time you choose the path of least resistance and
every time you hold back & resist & recoil from
the pull of your higher self
to take ation
and approach that girl, observe that habit, practice that skill, accept/decline that offer, etc.
you are wasting your time
in fact, you are a waste of energy
you are rehearsing death