Honesty—like any virtue—is a double-edged act. You deploy honesty either as a kind of defence mechanism, to overwhelm and trigger awe in the other or you do it to totally unguard ’’your’’ heart, as a gesture of exposure, out of love for the truth of the moment. In other words, it either comes from a reckless, self-absorbed place at a bombastic, emotionally rushed pace or it comes from a place of playful, radiant presence, manifesting as a gentle, impersonal, spontaneous and creative style of interpersonal engagement. Instead of the restless neurotic rush, it takes place in a relaxed space in front of your reflexive compulsion to push or pull—where you know you have absolutely nothing to gain and nothing to lose but something to give. /This is something, actually, that I’ve realized after a job interview.
Take nothing at face value. See through the sur-face. See through the ripples. Rest with the truth of this moment. No matter the content it’s the context of your engagements that manifests in your experience. No matter their content it’s the context of your comments that determines the interpersonal trajectories involving you.
See through the bitchiness of women, see through the antagonism of colleagues, see through the heavy moods of loved ones, see through their trans-generational, trauma-induced compulsions to hurt and feel hurt, see through the ingratiating comments of your fans, see through your adverse and elated reactions—feel them, embrace them, fully, rest in them, struggle with ease—nothing’s a big deal.
Things go awry (emotionally) when I take them personally—which is natural, this is what an I is supposed to be doing anyway. The I is geared towards experiencing frustration since that’s what sustains (the sense of) it. Once the recognition arises, though, that the person who takes things personally doesn’t exist and the world this person enacts and the struggle that it experiences in this world is only as real as an optical illusion is real then there will be less and less inclination to avoid the truth of the moment. Once the recognition arises that I can either rest in the truth or I can be driven by frustration: there is less and less inclination to do the latter.
If you choose to go with the truth be prepared to be constantly criticized, tested & detested, guilted, shamed, misjudged, misunderstood and abandoned [by self & other respectively] because that’s what it takes to deliver it.
I have a rule: If you wish to be seen, show your truest colors—the other stuff: that sticky, clingy, gooey, needy, personal, phony, affected, demanding, ambivalent, avoidant, shadow-play way of relating, no thanks, please. But then, this is a rule I myself am struggling to live up to. For all intents and purposes.
Your reluctance to reciprocate on the level of the personal (i.e. playing the game of phony rapport and antagonism) will piss off many people. And if you choose ease and opt for joy instead of taking on the duty of responsible struggle you will elicit the ire of many too.
From the perspective of the truth there is no position to defend. When you relate from the perspective of the truth, there is no position to defend.