There is a paradigmatic difference between going along to get along (or playing the social human game) out of choosing to do so and out of fear of not doing so. Fundamentally, it’s the difference between engaging others for real or being real with them as opposed to being fake or engaging others primarily to humour & please them. While the latter amounts to nothing more but plain sailing across the vacuous ocean of fear, adrift, forever seeking, the former ushers traversing rough patches of meaning, freely, lived as love.
It’s simple and it’s all already given. It speaks for you as well as acts and reacts through you if you let it. Its logic and rationale is undeniable. Let it prevail at the expense of your self & your others.
Other people are hell only so long as you keep chasing and being haunted by the phantoms that they trigger in you. The slightest sense of guilt or shame or anxiety signals the fact that you’ve resorted to indulge fantasy. The moment you cease buying into your thoughts and your emotions your struggle with others ends too.
We unconsciously seek for it in each other.
I must learn to (psychologically) break up with others from the outset so that I get to meet them for real during our relationship. Fact is, the way I feel emotionally abused by others is one of the ways in which I emotionally abuse others. Indeed, I gets what I gives.
Because we unconsciously seek for it in others.
The instant I feel met by someone I tend to abdicate the truth and give in to the restless impulse, the compulsion to idealize that other and to start demanding from them to fit into the mold, the image that I project about them. I get excited, I begin to fixate. I grow attached as I energetically invest. And I anxiously expect to be taken (in) by the other who I idealize. I dive into the project of securing the perfect host, the womb where I can dwell [against emptiness].
Because I cannot take the idea of alone forever. I wants to be taken. I wants to be held.
Again, it’s a choice between Image/Dream and Truth.
I still hesitate to go with it but I can feel how my spirit intends to secretly love and support, to listen and guide and oversee the life of my people, the faces I’ve faced and have grown so fond of so far.
And so I kind of pray.
Let me let go of them, of her, of me. Let me give up the jig, the scheming. Let me be free of them and let them be free of me. Let me be empty.
Let me see it.
Let this vessel—this aperture, this light, wiry body, this odd amalgam of patterns, this particular cocktail of neuroses, this splendid fountain of thoughts and feelings, this unique flair & style of being—serve by opening now, here, for all.
Because I am here to take care, not merely to partake. I am here to smuggle in the light of consciousness under the guise of my daily activities, at work, at home, and everywhere in the neighbourhood. This is why I go solo and this is why I need plenty of time to rest and to recover. As delicate as I am I am intent on going within so I get to bring some of what I receive back to you out there. I buffer so that I can serve you to the best of my ability. I need to go in before I can go out and engage in a meaningful, productive way. Sometimes it takes weeks or even months, sometimes only an hour or so. This is my gift.
And so I pray.
Help me so I can help you.
Support me so I get to support you.
We need each other.
Because we find it in ourselves, together.
Once you realize that all that they need is presence and all that you can give is your presence and all that you can get is their presence in return, you cease seeking to convince and be met and seen by others. You begin to listen, to connect, for real.
Personal transparency is needed only so long as it upgrades the level of efficiency (or meaningfulness) in the relationship.
Stop demanding from life to be a joyride of plain sailing. Life is meant to be difficult. Life is meant to be frustrating. Just act from the intent that naturally arises from stillness. Don’t demand from others to meet & fulfil your needs. Let others be free of you as much as you wish to be free of them. Let things be. Let life live.
Yes, my dear: Stop demanding from me to fulfil your needs. You shall be totally free from me. I want you to win. I am here for you. Are you there for yourself?