Restless

Being caught up in the self-improvement loop is better than indulging self-destructive alternatives. Still, you’re fundamentally operating from restlessness—wherein: Rather than letting the truest impulses find you, you are busy rushing things. Your mind compels you to bulletproof and forcefeed:

  • your ’’brain’’ with knowledge and information
  • your ’’persona’’ with newsletters, updates & feeds on social
  • your muscles and tendons with (over)corrective stretches and excessive exercise
  • your ’’gut’’ with supplements and supposedly nutritious foods
  • your ’’soul’’ with spiritual teachings

Etc.

All too busy deferring and buffering against the very wholeness that you seek.

 

Advertisements

Social Anxiety

Other people are hell only so long as you keep chasing and being haunted by the phantoms that they trigger in you. The slightest sense of guilt or shame or anxiety signals the fact that you’ve resorted to indulge fantasy. The moment you cease buying into your thoughts and your emotions your struggle with others ends too.

Word Up

You can’t get away with anything in life. All illusions end up in pain. Never mind what happens: respond rather than react. You see what you aim at. Your ego keeps the scope fuzzy. Aim at the truth. Stay with your deepest intent, bracket the noise. Allow what arises without indulging or personalizing it. Stay empty handed, congruent only to the truth of this moment. The only thing that you can give is your presence and the only thing you can get is presence in return. Stay loose, go with the given. Notice nuances. Don’t mind what happens. Roll with what gives. See where it goes.

Adya

Who would you be without your battle against yourself? How would you know yourself without a battle against yourself?

Let the fear course through your body, just feel it and keep going. It’s only a fear of silence and a fear of the way that silence moves. Follow the inner direction: ruthlessly and passionately.

ego

Terrified of negotiating your truest terms and asserting your deepest values, of letting the truth speak and letting the inevitable conflicts arise, of letting contrasts emerge and sparks fly and collisions occur, to see the ripple effects of the frustration of others rub off on you. Terrified of being abandoned, of being waked up from.

Trance v Truth

You turn away.
You miss the mark
and go down the rabbit hole
abandoned

Leading, following, poking, provoking, enduring, indignant, pushed, pulled, swerving, squirming, grasping, clutching, wallowing, indulging, up & high and down & low, seeking: to dodge the empty fire in the middle. To sustain separateness. To keep struggling. Until

you repent
you turn back
and return home

Unaverted
facing forms of yourself in front of yourself
inside yourself
unattached: Present
untethered & unmoored—an open aperture
Watching
Being
Engaged