There is a paradigmatic difference between going along to get along (or playing the social human game) out of choosing to do so and out of fear of not doing so. Fundamentally, it’s the difference between engaging others for real or being real with them as opposed to being fake or engaging others primarily to humour & please them. While the latter amounts to nothing more but plain sailing across the vacuous ocean of fear, adrift, forever seeking, the former ushers traversing rough patches of meaning, freely, lived as love.
Some cool pointers from Jordan Peterson:
- Some games you don’t get to play unless you’re all in. [~live life to the fullest]
- Don’t steal other people’s problems. [~the most you can offer is help others help themselves]
- Sacrifice relationships that retard the unfolding of (your) truth. [~the most you can give to others is your truth]
- Instead of aiming to be the entity without flaws aim to be the entity that continues to recognize and integrate its flaws. [~happiness is a byproduct of facing your fears]
You have nothing to lose but your face which is always-already tailor-made and fake. Let that inner cripple freely ripple. Cling to no cringe. Be the no-one that you truly are. Off the hinge. Off the cuff. Dance your own brand of breakdance.
You and your problems are as real as an optical illusion is real. Not more. Not less.
Being caught up in the self-improvement loop is better than indulging self-destructive alternatives. Still, you’re fundamentally operating from restlessness—wherein: Rather than letting the truest impulses find you, you are busy rushing things. Your mind compels you to bulletproof and forcefeed:
- your ’’brain’’ with knowledge and information
- your ’’persona’’ with newsletters, updates & feeds on social
- your muscles and tendons with (over)corrective stretches and excessive exercise
- your ’’gut’’ with supplements and supposedly nutritious foods
- your ’’soul’’ with spiritual teachings
All too busy deferring and buffering against the very wholeness that you seek.
Other people are hell only so long as you keep chasing and being haunted by the phantoms that they trigger in you. The slightest sense of guilt or shame or anxiety signals the fact that you’ve resorted to indulge fantasy. The moment you cease buying into your thoughts and your emotions your struggle with others ends too.
You can’t get away with anything in life. All illusions end up in pain. Never mind what happens: respond rather than react. You see what you aim at. Your ego keeps the scope fuzzy. Aim at the truth. Stay with your deepest intent, bracket the noise. Allow what arises without indulging or personalizing it. Stay empty handed, congruent only to the truth of this moment. The only thing that you can give is your presence and the only thing you can get is presence in return. Stay loose, go with the given. Notice nuances. Don’t mind what happens. Roll with what gives. See where it goes.