Play Ball

Overt or covert, think of all conflicts in terms of an image, the image of passing a ball—like a seething, scathing (wrecking) ball of bitter resentment that she swings at you at full tilt expecting you to contract and try and somehow deflect its stinging impact—that she shoots to retaliate and some way redress the hurt your ease triggers in her bitter, uneasy persona. Now, instead of deflecting or quickly passing her hot potato back in recoil you simply ’’collect’’ her ball of fit in the cup of your hand and hand it back to her—taking her personal attack impersonal: Why do you still work here if there is so much emotional pain built up in you?—you ask. This surely will raise more of her ire and result in an even more vicious attack but, again, you catch her ball of fury gently in your hand and hand it back for her to (be)hold. And you keep doing this until she resolves to drop it altogether. Have fun, my friend. Cultivate the tai-chi of Creactiveness until you reach the master level of UU (Usually Unfazed).

Dealing With Triggers

Feeling inconvenienced by inconveniencing narcissistic others you may ask your narcissistic self: Is it necessary to feel ashamed and let emotional pain overwhelm me again?—to which you may answer: No, it’s not—but still ’you’ will feel ashamed, ’you’ will be triggered because that’s in the nature of ’you’—which is perfectly OK: neurotic reaction patterns are to be allowed rather than resolved. Personally, I think of it in terms of the image of a black hole that starts siphoning off my energy—which I simply acknowledge and relax into it, letting the event horizon to ’’Eat everything up, drain my glycogen, drain me, exhaust me as you please. I don’t mind. it’s OK.’’ Typically, once I let it devour me it suddenly loses its appetite, so to speak.

/It figures: much like in dieting where all the effort results in the opposite of its intended effect the good old principle of ’what you resist persists’ applies here too.


Do you still feel (the feeling of feeling) terrified when your symptoms flare up? Do you still think there is a (right) way to (do things to) avoid the next episode that is already stalking you?


Are you still fixated on resolving your issues and escaping your symptoms once and for all? Are you still fixated on doing it the right way? Are you still working on the project of transcending the broken version of your self (that is at the mercy of the stressor-ridden contingency called its environment)?


Do you still buy into the idea that it’s not as safe over there as it is over here? Or, in other words, that the world is over there and you are over here?


Do you still refuse (to play the game of) life?

Pay Attention

tune into every little wobble you experience
they give way and give away your attempts at Self-sabotage

your reactions hint at unresolved tensions
and neurotic holding patterns

they show where you are at
where you are presently standing in your own way

breathe out
relax into them

Rebecca Solnit

in a weird way

the more interconnected we get
the less connected we feel
the less interconnected we are
the more connected we may become

here’s two phenomenal quotes from Rebecca Solnit:

“The new chatter puts us somewhere in between, assuaging fears of being alone without risking real connection. It is a shallow between two deeper zones, a safe spot between the dangers of contact with ourselves, with others”

“A restlessness has seized hold of many of us, a sense that we should be doing something else, no matter what we are doing, or doing at least two things at once, or going to check some other medium. It’s an anxiety about keeping up, about not being left out or getting behind”

also read:

the membrane

rather than thinking in terms of toxins or stressors
think in terms of stimulants or energy

as Lord Kevin so eloquently puts it:
all food is healthy because all food is energy


nevertheless, let’s entertain the implication

think of everything you come into contact with as energy

the problem then is not “in kind but in degree

problems arise when stuff get’s too much
or too little for that matter
-let’s say “too” for short

now what’s “too” varies from individual to individual

in terms of too much it’s the dose that makes the poison

everyone has a different threshold of tolerance

be that for caffeine, sugar, gluten, red meat, duck fat, raspberry, female attention, sleep-deprivation, ejaculation, socializing, reading, running, etc.

think of yourself as a membrane with a set of softer spots

entertain the idea

every kind of exposure puts a strain on this membrane

and it can go two ways from there:
it either weakens it or (if the strain is moderate and intermittent enough) it strengthens it (which is called hormesis)

the implication?

there is no such thing as “healthy” or “unhealthy”

in a sense everything is “natural”

and it is your responsibility not to overshoot your metabolic capacity
to tune into every little wobble of your system
to find out how much you can take and what works best for you

of course the tricky part is that you’ll know how far you can go by stepping over the line

excess stimulation is buffered by inflammation:
your body will produce symptoms along the way

but once you establish what things you are more vulnerable to you can take proactive measures to manage the wobbles those things effect

what’s more,
if you dial in the right amount of the stimulant you may even trigger hormesis or adaptation to it

so “can the char compounds in cooked meat themselves, if consumed in moderation, actually improve our health by building our tolerance for potential toxins and carcinogens?”

read the answer and familiarize yourself with Todd Becker’s other material as well on the page linked below:

poststructuralist self-help

the idea of alignment presupposes an essentialism of sorts

the binary thinking that lurks in my posts has more to it than a dichotomy, though

when I speak of authentic versus inauthentic impulses
(or what Robert Burton in The Anatomy of Melancholy discussing love distinguishes as honest and dishonest or natural passion vs disease/excess/defect)
is but the two ends of a spectrum
that like along a moebius strip
fold into each other

virtue and vice bleed into each other
they are not even two sides of a coin
they are one side of a loop
a dynamic unfolding that occasionally “runs away” (spiralling into a vicious cycle)
causing all sorts of dysfunction
(flare-ups, fevers, skin breakouts, aches & pains, diseases of the body & the mind, etc.)
but then over time self-corrects and moderates itself

homeostasis seeps through the cracks of our resistance
that inner voice, no matter how still and how small, is a powerful attractor

on second thought, though
I do tend to bias my logic toward the you discover yourself rather than create yourself side of the argument even though I resonate with the latter
as in there is no essence to which to align,
rather you create yourself on the go
from a core of emptiness

up to you

you either do the thing you are thinking about
you think about the thing you want to be doing

these are the options

you either do it or you think about doing it

as simple as that

you either maintain a self-image in the now
living in reaction
doing jackshit

or compound your power for the future
taking action
getting shit done