Play Ball

Overt or covert, think of all conflicts in terms of an image, the image of passing a ball—like a seething, scathing (wrecking) ball of bitter resentment that she swings at you at full tilt expecting you to contract and try and somehow deflect its stinging impact—that she shoots to retaliate and some way redress the hurt your ease triggers in her bitter, uneasy persona. Now, instead of deflecting or quickly passing her hot potato back in recoil you simply ’’collect’’ her ball of fit in the cup of your hand and hand it back to her—taking her personal attack impersonal: Why do you still work here if there is so much emotional pain built up in you?—you ask. This surely will raise more of her ire and result in an even more vicious attack but, again, you catch her ball of fury gently in your hand and hand it back for her to (be)hold. And you keep doing this until she resolves to drop it altogether. Have fun, my friend. Cultivate the tai-chi of Creactiveness until you reach the master level of UU (Usually Unfazed).


Dealing With Triggers

Feeling inconvenienced by inconveniencing narcissistic others you may ask your narcissistic self: Is it necessary to feel ashamed and let emotional pain overwhelm me again?—to which you may answer: No, it’s not—but still ’you’ will feel ashamed, ’you’ will be triggered because that’s in the nature of ’you’—which is perfectly OK: neurotic reaction patterns are to be allowed rather than resolved. Personally, I think of it in terms of the image of a black hole that starts siphoning off my energy—which I simply acknowledge and relax into it, letting the event horizon to ’’Eat everything up, drain my glycogen, drain me, exhaust me as you please. I don’t mind. it’s OK.’’ Typically, once I let it devour me it suddenly loses its appetite, so to speak.

/It figures: much like in dieting where all the effort results in the opposite of its intended effect the good old principle of ’what you resist persists’ applies here too.


Do you still feel (the feeling of feeling) terrified when your symptoms flare up? Do you still think there is a (right) way to (do things to) avoid the next episode that is already stalking you?


Are you still fixated on resolving your issues and escaping your symptoms once and for all? Are you still fixated on doing it the right way? Are you still working on the project of transcending the broken version of your self (that is at the mercy of the stressor-ridden contingency called its environment)?


Do you still buy into the idea that it’s not as safe over there as it is over here? Or, in other words, that the world is over there and you are over here?


Do you still refuse (to play the game of) life?

Pay Attention

tune into every little wobble you experience
they give way and give away your attempts at Self-sabotage

your reactions hint at unresolved tensions
and neurotic holding patterns

they show where you are at
where you are presently standing in your own way

breathe out
relax into them

Rebecca Solnit

in a weird way

the more interconnected we get
the less connected we feel
the less interconnected we are
the more connected we may become

here’s two phenomenal quotes from Rebecca Solnit:

“The new chatter puts us somewhere in between, assuaging fears of being alone without risking real connection. It is a shallow between two deeper zones, a safe spot between the dangers of contact with ourselves, with others”

“A restlessness has seized hold of many of us, a sense that we should be doing something else, no matter what we are doing, or doing at least two things at once, or going to check some other medium. It’s an anxiety about keeping up, about not being left out or getting behind”

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