Other people are hell only so long as you keep chasing and being haunted by the phantoms that they trigger in you. The slightest sense of guilt or shame or anxiety signals the fact that you’ve resorted to indulge fantasy. The moment you cease buying into your thoughts and your emotions your struggle with others ends too.
Have compassion for the corrupt leaders you judge: see yourself in them first. See the monster within—the inner Gollam, the compulsion to compensate for the pain of withheld love—before you address and seek to redress any of their abusive malpractice in effect. You must understand locally any rationale to control, reign and dominate (globally): that it all stems from a misunderstanding that fuels fears which in turn nurture the monster within.
The kind of situations and conflicts you tend to get involved in, the manner in which you idealize and dote [fixate] on certain types of people and antagonize [diss] certain others reflect the [self-abusive, fear-based] emotions you are addicted to, and tell more about your personal [unresolved] issues than anything else in the world.
We unconsciously seek for it in each other.
I must learn to (psychologically) break up with others from the outset so that I get to meet them for real during our relationship. Fact is, the way I feel emotionally abused by others is one of the ways in which I emotionally abuse others. Indeed, I gets what I gives.
Because we unconsciously seek for it in others.
The instant I feel met by someone I tend to abdicate the truth and give in to the restless impulse, the compulsion to idealize that other and to start demanding from them to fit into the mold, the image that I project about them. I get excited, I begin to fixate. I grow attached as I energetically invest. And I anxiously expect to be taken (in) by the other who I idealize. I dive into the project of securing the perfect host, the womb where I can dwell [against emptiness].
Because I cannot take the idea of alone forever. I wants to be taken. I wants to be held.
Again, it’s a choice between Image/Dream and Truth.
I still hesitate to go with it but I can feel how my spirit intends to secretly love and support, to listen and guide and oversee the life of my people, the faces I’ve faced and have grown so fond of so far.
And so I kind of pray.
Let me let go of them, of her, of me. Let me give up the jig, the scheming. Let me be free of them and let them be free of me. Let me be empty.
Let me see it.
Let this vessel—this aperture, this light, wiry body, this odd amalgam of patterns, this particular cocktail of neuroses, this splendid fountain of thoughts and feelings, this unique flair & style of being—serve by opening now, here, for all.
Because I am here to take care, not merely to partake. I am here to smuggle in the light of consciousness under the guise of my daily activities, at work, at home, and everywhere in the neighbourhood. This is why I go solo and this is why I need plenty of time to rest and to recover. As delicate as I am I am intent on going within so I get to bring some of what I receive back to you out there. I buffer so that I can serve you to the best of my ability. I need to go in before I can go out and engage in a meaningful, productive way. Sometimes it takes weeks or even months, sometimes only an hour or so. This is my gift.
And so I pray.
Help me so I can help you.
Support me so I get to support you.
We need each other.
Because we find it in ourselves, together.
Once you realize that all that they need is presence and all that you can give is your presence and all that you can get is their presence in return, you cease seeking to convince and be met and seen by others. You begin to listen, to connect, for real.
Personal transparency is needed only so long as it upgrades the level of efficiency (or meaningfulness) in the relationship.
If you contract around someone you automatically get involved, you congeal into a role, a pole in reaction to the other person’s role as the opposite, counter pole. You are in reaction. The quickest way out of the scheme of this ill-bred predicament is to let the truth claim your heart on the spot and proceed to share your overall intent [to lighten up] with this particular individual too, to project love onto them behind their back. Now, unbeknownst to them, you set the super-frame that defines the game you two play—which is the game of the open heart.