Unclenching

~is the practice of relaxing into the truth of this moment & seeing the phantoms I had been chasing a moment ago for the phantoms that they actually are. It typically involves solitude and minimal distraction, idling and sinking into a kind of rippling that sometimes literally pops up through the stomach.

I’ve reached the point where the challenge is to bring the practice of unclenching into the realm of engagement, of social interaction. Clenching typically occurs as I engage others (particular faces) who mean something to me and I start to seek more validation and more rapport or to find ways to avoid further entanglement with them. In other words, there is a texture of push or pull type of energy taking over. I used to snap out of this happen-trance in solitude but now the next step seems to be to bring the practice of [transpersonal] unclenching into the thick of [interpersonal] engagement. This is, incidentally, how work becomes invigorating exercise rather than a chore. As MMA fighters know well recovery needs to happen during the lulls in the fight for them to be able to go the distance efficiently.

Advertisements

Follow Your Fear

All the objects you cherish and obsess about today soon go obsolete. Beauty fades, forms dissolve, relationships fall apart. Nothing stays. You ask yourself: Why bother? Why engage at all? And there is no answer. Only an internal pang responds. A sense of guilt rekindles. Why feel ashamed about being a self-absorbed melancholic recluse?—you ask apologetically. And all there is is the dying echo of your question. Meaningless. Pointless. Nevertheless. And then new questions arise. Are you attached to your idea of freedom? Are you actually free from your need to be free from life’s demands? Are you willing to participate instead of hiding? Are you willing to choose to engage the painful joy of life’s endless motion that goes absolutely nowhere? Endless. Pointless. Nevertheless. The way forward is fearward.

The Program

It’s a process of progressive letting go. First you manipulate, then you negotiate. First you try to control, then manage. First you want to spare, then share. First identified and attached, then detached. From monologue you switch to dialogue. Etc. And then in the end—when no corner remains for you to cut, hide in or turn to—you shall surrender. You climb the ladder only to experience the slide and you lose hold to realize that there is no ladder there to hold on to.

The Dream

Your ego is a strange attractor that anchors looping neurotic patterns (of emotion, thought, behavior) that sustain a sense of you as a somebody.

This moment is all that has ever been. The rest is a random rainbow trip. Consciousness collapses into an ego trip when a perception [of safety/threat, comfort/pressure, success/failure, freedom/trap, acceptance/rejection, appreciation/misjudgement, etc.] triggers a cascade of neurotic patterns across hormonal, myofascial, metabolic, psychological, etc. levels. The ’I’ flares up, the story of ’me’ rekindles and Light slips down the rabbit hole of the personal kaleidoscope. That is to say: Experience collapses into perceptions that in turn trigger neurotic patterns of anxiety, excitement, joy, nervousness, worry, guilt, shame, fixation, avoidance, recoil, fear of loss, of missing out, sense of inadequacy, of inferiority, of unworthiness, melancholy, dejection, compulsion to sustain, preserve and conserve, muscular tension in the gut, in the neck, cortisol spikes, glycogen plummets, etc.

Ego consciousness is an energy vortex with an ever elusive vacuum in the middle surrounded by clouds of cyclic patterns. Reminds me of this: atom_icon2-1030x1030

Fearless

Feel the rising impulsion that compels you to be in control and take possession of the pleasant things that seem to have come to you recently; see the self that lays claim on what happens to unfold in the moment and let what it seeks to sustain go: give the power back, give the lead back to life, relax into your brilliant nothingness. Stay humble, be simple. Dwell where you truly belong. Relax bitch.