~is the practice of relaxing into the truth of this moment & seeing the phantoms I had been chasing a moment ago for the phantoms that they actually are. It typically involves solitude and minimal distraction, idling and sinking into a kind of rippling that sometimes literally pops up through the stomach.
I’ve reached the point where the challenge is to bring the practice of unclenching into the realm of engagement, of social interaction. Clenching typically occurs as I engage others (particular faces) who mean something to me and I start to seek more validation and more rapport or to find ways to avoid further entanglement with them. In other words, there is a texture of push or pull type of energy taking over. I used to snap out of this happen-trance in solitude but now the next step seems to be to bring the practice of [transpersonal] unclenching into the thick of [interpersonal] engagement. This is, incidentally, how work becomes invigorating exercise rather than a chore. As MMA fighters know well recovery needs to happen during the lulls in the fight for them to be able to go the distance efficiently.
When you engage outside the pattern of collective neurosis you risk rapport constantly as you trick them into forgetting and surrendering themselves out of the safety of the familiar personal form before they remember to flip out and squirm and resort to try and guilt and shame you into assuming proper character or a relatable role on the neurotic terms of ego and so you get triggered and you spew fuckoff yall smallminded mo fos inside I wont play by no rules of yours I wont play no victim shit I wont engage no power hour no manipulation no emotional chess no drama whatso ever I wont budge to the pull of no expectation I wont play no part NO FUCKEN PART wont abandon the truth for noonessake for crissakes wont take your crap on wont take it serious wont take it personal and I wont be responsible I wont harbour no false conscience fuckoffyall closedminded controlfreaks all you uptight frustrated troll bitches fuckoff yall narcissistic insecure pussies am ready to lose face, respect, rapport and touch, am ready to mess up, to let down, to abandon and be abandoned, am ready to be mocked, dissed and ridiculed, I ain’t nobody for anybody any longer FUCK YOU is all I got to say to you FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCKTHEFUCK YOUALL is all I get to say as on the tailend it frays and fizzles out and the aperture widens and what trickles is love nevertheless instead the love that shines with no flinch and no wince an open pupil that dilates the love that pulls all in and through out, irresistible, real, for real
Heed—the fear-mongering, reverberating-berating, annoying noise rising from the rumbling belly of your ego-chamber. Witness the sinking, the slippage into a lower vibration, fear taking over and saturating your heart, with guilt, shame and anxiety rising, as you turn small-minded, heavy, dense, compacted and contracted, an ego with a narrow vantage, a victim, an underdog, desperate to protect and prove itself—and the instant you see it, regroup and reground on the spot, shake free of the cushy coils of the asphyxiating trance, the congealing quicksilver of self-image, the particular role you’ve obliviously assumed once again, let it all slough off as you reunite with the truth. Practice—to find your poise in the eye of any kind of psychological storm.
Take the leap and take the lead. Stay nonstick, pure surface—congruent and accountable to nothing and nobody but the truth and only the truth. No longer abdicate the truth for anybody’s sake. Argue no longer with the truth. Argue no longer for the truth. Keep it sweet and simple. Be the truth. Be nobody—pure surface. You need nobody—stay nonstick. All you have is the truth of this moment. Take the lead. Let the truth orient you. Nobody can harm you. Nobody can pin you down and guilt or shame you into feeling accountable for anything any more than they can do it to the truth. The truth is infinite—fickle on its lush surface but immutable at its empty core. It’s you—pure loving. The truth finds you when you stop (running from it). Respond to every instance of engagement with opening. Open through [self-inflicted] emotional pain. Open through hurt. Open through fear. Open for the sake of opening. Follow your fear. Follow the trace of love’s blood. Follow the path of the heart through the jungle of fear. Respond with opening. Nothing can harm you. All there is is this moment. Everything. Whereever and whoever it happens to find you with right now—this moment is where you truly belong. Respond with opening.
Do you like it when somebody is trying to impress you in order to please you—either in order to avoid you or in order to hook you so they then get to cling on to you? I don’t think so. You’d prefer them to be totally present and open with you, to feel felt, to feel seen and truly touched by them, to vibe with no strings attached—to engage for real. Unconditionally. Right? What’s with the social anxiety then? Vibe on my friend. As if there was no tomorrow. As if you were nobody (special to psychologically reckon with).
Stop and stand still. See through the slapstick surface and engage on the level of raw energy. Relish the ever subtler nuances. Open your eyes. Open your jaws. Open your face. Open your neck. Open your shoulders. Open your chest. Open your stomach. Open your gut. Open your crotch. Open your ass. Open your legs—and follow the lead of the impulse that rises from the ground up through your heart and through your limbs.
See—this spontaneous movement, the movement welling through the heart is not oriented backwards—caught up melancholizing about bygone times and lost loved ones—nor forwards—seeking success, preparing for a breakthrough—but aroundwards, fully in & outwards, nowhere near but right here, now.
Get familiar with your internal instrument board, map out and start tweaking the equalizer of your psychology. Once they are discernible move the needles a bit toward the lighter, brighter spectra. From the lower, denser vibrations to the higher, fickle vibrations of energy: From being serious toward being curious; from your formulaic opinions toward attention; from clean-cut answers toward inquiry; from the loaded questions toward more openended ones; from certainty toward confusion; from the neurotic toward the erotic; and so on. The path to Clarity leads from the seemingly clear-cut through the infinitely vague.