Being caught up in the self-improvement loop is better than indulging self-destructive alternatives. Still, you’re fundamentally operating from restlessness—wherein: Rather than letting the truest impulses find you, you are busy rushing things. Your mind compels you to bulletproof and forcefeed:
your ’’brain’’ with knowledge and information
your ’’persona’’ with newsletters, updates & feeds on social
your muscles and tendons with (over)corrective stretches and excessive exercise
your ’’gut’’ with supplements and supposedly nutritious foods
your ’’soul’’ with spiritual teachings
All too busy deferring and buffering against the very wholeness that you seek.
You can’t get away with anything in life. All illusions end up in pain. Never mind what happens: respond rather than react. You see what you aim at. Your ego keeps the scope fuzzy. Aim at the truth. Stay with your deepest intent, bracket the noise. Allow what arises without indulging or personalizing it. Stay empty handed, congruent only to the truth of this moment. The only thing that you can give is your presence and the only thing you can get is presence in return. Stay loose, go with the given. Notice nuances. Don’t mind what happens. Roll with what gives. See where it goes.
You turn away.
You miss the mark
and go down the rabbit hole
Leading, following, poking, provoking, enduring, indignant, pushed, pulled, swerving, squirming, grasping, clutching, wallowing, indulging, up & high and down & low, seeking: to dodge the empty fire in the middle. To sustain separateness. To keep struggling. Until
you turn back
and return home
facing forms of yourself in front of yourself
untethered & unmoored—an open aperture
The nice guy and the creep are the same guy because everybody is the same guy. Everybody wants to get paid, everybody wants to get laid, everybody wants value, fun, good emotions and minimize bad emotions. There is no good guy or bad guy. It’s just are they win-lose or are they win-win. Do they get you and take a minute to get in your head for your wants and needs or are they all about themselves.