the 3 steps to social alignment

no matter how aligned we get:
we are always going to have sensitive areas and emotional buttons that people can push

like the other day at the kitchen table
I suddenly snapped when my brother started chipping at me as he is wont to do sometimes

mind you, he was not trying to attack me
that is only his poorly calibrated way of connecting,
but I took it personal because I guess am still a bit sensitive to the probing and thematizing of my dietary habits

/usually I brush and smile it off but the fact of the matter is I am a bit reactive around this issue
the reason being that
I have peculiar eating habits,
not only in terms of sticking to a specific diet (keeping it “bulletproof” & “perfect health”)
but in terms of securing ample portions for myself or gluttonizing bigger quantities at once (when I am in company)
as if to forego ending up unfed
and sure enough, I am the type who looks underweight,
who knows: my digestive & metabolic mechanism might be subject to genes affected by famines deeper down our family tree..

at any rate

I am loath to justifying something I don’t want to be justifying,
and I do understand that it’s up to me to let it go and make light of it, but bypassing the discord dynamics and being sucked into the role of justifying my “dainty” departure from the normal can get quite challenging at stressful times
but
back to the main thread:/

there is no way around it
the irritation has to be manifested one way or another
because that’s how you stay humble(d)

as a general principle:

you need to be vulnerable to participate:
and you participate by not hiding the hurt

you need to participiate to contribute:
and you contribute by reflecting on the hurt
by shifting from the personal to the impersonal
and transmuting low vibration to high vibration
by integrating, in other words,
“transcending and including” the hurt

/this is the alchemy of self-help:

whatever issue there is
the solution will always be taking ownership of it
(and going from there, wherever you happen to be at)

becoming a goose that -whatever comes to pass- lays golden eggs

transmuting hurts/

again,
social alignment is at stake here

don’t be no buddha bro
show your hurt: react

then reflect & take ownership of your reaction

and last:
communicate
share your process of integration

acting stoic and nonreactive is way more arrogant than lashing out in an arrogant manner
BUT
getting stuck & bogged down at the plane of reaction
pinging off the cacophony of discord
is dumb
we need to reflect
BUT then
reflection without sharing the insights from it
is still dysfunctional

the healthy loop of social alignment is the triad of
reaction to a trigger
reflection after its expression
and its communication

this a loop where you ascend from a thesis
through an antithesis to a synthesis

/funnily enough, this insight was born of a conflict
where I reacted and reflected but have not proceeded to share,
I have not synthesized or alchemized the BS into a golden egg
by sharing my process of integration with the peson who triggered it..

Q-basic

program your mind,

set up the basic algorithm:

as a first step, decide:
do you want to be here? alive? among the living? or not
YES or NO

IF YES you want to be here:
THEN you have NO reason to complain about anything
for whatever happens happens precisely because you are here
it happens FOR you
if you step into dogshit it happens because you get to be here
right now,
that’s why it happens
because you are here
next,
if you want to be here: decide exactly WHY you want to be here,
what do you want?
what is it that you are to contribute?
what is your project?
define your target and go after it
or let it come to you (if that’s how you like to phrase it)

the main thing is that every behavior shall shall have a rationale behind it:
if you get sulky and passive-aggressive with someone there has to be a reason for that and you have to be able to justify that in terms of your project

whatever you do or say has to align with the reason you are here

IF, on the other hand, you do not want to be here:
(saying that you haven’t chosen to be here in the first place)
then either: off yourself (which is what, in effect, most of us do mentally & spiritually) OR
find someone who wants to be here (and you admire) and dedicate yourself to serve them on their project

simple

think bigger

modes of being

what does it mean to live a life external to you?
it is to be outside the moment & inside a story
(wherein you are an image/avatar reflected back from the norms & expectations that your self imposes upon itself through the others)
it is projection based

what does it mean to live a life internal to you?
it is to be outside your story & inside the moment
(wherein you tune into your naturally arising impulses by acting on them; it is intuition that your self experiences through the others)
it is expression based

your task is to balance these dynamics

all roads lead inwards

everybody is specific
but nobody is special

we are all but triggers for each other
on our way towards ‘fulfillment’

we are triggers for each other
nothing more & nothing less
specific!
but not special

we are matter
in motion
faces fading into other faces

sharing

the ultimate is being at peace
having a sense of belonging
feeling at home
feeling that you are in the right place
among the right people
doing the right thing
focused
integrated
that you are spending all your energy
on the right cause
in the right direction
with passion
with abandon and trust
not holding back
holding nothing back

intersect

intercept
or, in effect, short-circuit
people’s BS loops
(when they, for ex, politely laugh
and respond to everything you say
in a predictable and ‘expected’ way
or
when they unwittingly assign and shoehorn you into a certain role
that feeds their dysfunctional patterns of self-sabotage,
confrontation, submission, etc.)
instead of responding in kind (=being sucked in) and reacting
just jolt them out of the loop
by leading the way and being light
by being relentlessly transparent and direct
bordering on the raw
by being PRESENT