Get familiar with your internal instrument board, map out and start tweaking the equalizer of your psychology. Once they are discernible move the needles a bit toward the lighter, brighter spectra. From the lower, denser vibrations to the higher, fickle vibrations of energy: From being serious toward being curious; from your formulaic opinions toward attention; from clean-cut answers toward inquiry; from the loaded questions toward more openended ones; from certainty toward confusion; from the neurotic toward the erotic; and so on. The path to Clarity leads from the seemingly clear-cut through the infinitely vague.
Become the stalker of your ’’me’’ relating to others. Every time you interact with someone keep track of your personal neurotic patterns—the interfering fears—that set you up for a trip up & impel you to abandon and lose track of the other for the sake of your demanding, insatiable ego. Notice—in hindsight, “retroactively”—the subtle shift where your listening morphs into a form of pleading and stillness gets drowned out by the rush of your restless attempts to prove yourself.
Honesty—like any virtue—is a double-edged act. You deploy honesty either as a kind of defence mechanism, to overwhelm and trigger awe in the other or you do it to totally unguard ’’your’’ heart, as a gesture of exposure, out of love for the truth of the moment. In other words, it either comes from a reckless, self-absorbed place at a bombastic, emotionally rushed pace or it comes from a place of playful, radiant presence, manifesting as a gentle, impersonal, spontaneous and creative style of interpersonal engagement. Instead of the restless neurotic rush, it takes place in a relaxed space in front of your reflexive compulsion to push or pull—where you know you have absolutely nothing to gain and nothing to lose but something to give. /This is something, actually, that I’ve realized after a job interview.
No rules. You let truth get through. You have no false conscience. No one can hold anything against you. You are authentically inconsistent: only congruent to the truth of the fluctuating, transient moment. More curious than serious and more erotic than neurotic. You love. Bless your heart for being one of a rare kind.
When you’re done playing the socially inept dumb you naturally start to see the [personal] differences between others [relative to you and to other others]. You begin to feel the idiosyncratic rhythm, style and tempo of their peculiar [psychological] comportment, you instantly access your innate capacity to gauge their level of closure and inhibition, to get a sense of where they’re at, and over time you develop an acute sense of the proper timing & edge-play that is required for a meaningful engagement with them.
There is a fundamental difference between sharing things about you with others as a gesture of opening with them and neurotically shutting down and stealthily bombarding the other (about the special exploits of your special character) in order to hook them in.
The people you (choose to) value the most for whatever (personal) reason you tend to abuse the most. Preferential treatment implies an ego at work. You naturally feel compelled to manipulate in some manner the ones you value so that you can ground your sense of (special) self in and through them. You need them to act a certain way for you to feel then a certain way. It’s a natural consequence of fixation—and a nasty habit to have.